Fizz is finding it difficult to pay for Chesney's schooling, feed him healthy food, and still manage to pay the rest of her bills.
Meanwhile, Less and Cilla are feeding their child benefits into the fruit machine and otherwise spending it on booze. Cilla figures if Chesney doesn't come home, they can always have a child of their own. Because the best way to deal with your crap mothering skills is to make more wee bairns.
Fizz heads over to the Rovers and demands Cilla hand over the benefits. Cilla refuses, saying Chesney should be at home.
So Fizz and Kirk head over to the Battersby-Brown's and steals their supply of instant meals, HP sauce, and Cilla's top of the line bog roll.
"Only the best for a woman who spend her day on her backside," reckons Fizz.
When Less and Cilla return, Less quickly finds that their big grocery shop has been stolen. Cilla storms over to Fizz's where she demands the return of her food. Maria sticks up for Fizz and Fizz threatens to call the police to report her fraudulent use of child benefits (Oh, Fizz, get in line). Cilla grabs some stuff, including Ches' favourite dessert and storms out.
Amy Barlow, née Patience Cropper, is three years old today and nobody, except some little blonde girl, wants to come to her party because
At the party, they play Pass the Parcel but Ken's been a bit stingy with the gifts as everyone gets Dollarama crayons and a plastic harmonica. You'd think he was paying some expensive lawyer's fees or something.
Later on, after the Elder Barlows have left and Amy is put to bed, Steve and Tracy get a little drunk and have a long talk. Also, Tracy tries to do a Northern Irish accent, which is quite funny. (By the way, this is my favourite Northern Irish accent)
Steve moans about his love life, making a reference to October 4, 1994 as a date when he was stood up or something. I looked it up but it didn't make any sense to me.
Anyhow, the two are both drunk and suddenly Steve thinks he should leave. Tracy asks him not to and then they start making out.
This is the thing about Steve. His comfort zone with women is the slightly damaged ones. Moley was a little bit of a sociopath, Karen was bonkers, and now, despite the fact that he has a long history with Tracy, she's a murderess. And he probably knows it and yet, he just can't keep away from her. But I've said it before and I'll say it again. You can't fuck the crazy out of some people.
In Other News
Doreen and Rita are still boozing it up and good for them. Doreen has a plan to play the field for a few years and then settle down with a man with an inheritance. Not a bad plan at all. Back at the Kabin, Emily wonders if she was born an old fuddy-duddy. That would be yes.
Jody Morton approves of the work Bill and Jason, but really Bill, have done on the soon to open kebab shop. Meanwhile, her granddad has been quietly sitting in the Rovers as people try to figure out his deal. Carla Connor thinks he's from Madame Tussaud's. He goes to the fruit machine and wins a jackpot then announces that his name is Wilf.
Liam's still telling Joanne that it was all just a bit of fun but is still offering to buy her drinks.
Sunny's all "So, Michelle. Do you and Sean hang out a lot and tell each other lots of stuff? No, no reason."
Originally Broadcast February 11, 2007.