Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Update - November 7, 2007 - "Child Benefit Cheater's Hotline? Yes, I'll hold."

Big Bad Mama

Fizz is finding it difficult to pay for Chesney's schooling, feed him healthy food, and still manage to pay the rest of her bills.

Meanwhile, Less and Cilla are feeding their child benefits into the fruit machine and otherwise spending it on booze. Cilla figures if Chesney doesn't come home, they can always have a child of their own. Because the best way to deal with your crap mothering skills is to make more wee bairns.

Fizz heads over to the Rovers and demands Cilla hand over the benefits. Cilla refuses, saying Chesney should be at home.

So Fizz and Kirk head over to the Battersby-Brown's and steals their supply of instant meals, HP sauce, and Cilla's top of the line bog roll.

"Only the best for a woman who spend her day on her backside," reckons Fizz.

When Less and Cilla return, Less quickly finds that their big grocery shop has been stolen. Cilla storms over to Fizz's where she demands the return of her food. Maria sticks up for Fizz and Fizz threatens to call the police to report her fraudulent use of child benefits (Oh, Fizz, get in line). Cilla grabs some stuff, including Ches' favourite dessert and storms out.

Amy's Birthday

Amy Barlow, née Patience Cropper, is three years old today and nobody, except some little blonde girl, wants to come to her party because she's ugly her mother is on trial for murder.

At the party, they play Pass the Parcel but Ken's been a bit stingy with the gifts as everyone gets Dollarama crayons and a plastic harmonica. You'd think he was paying some expensive lawyer's fees or something.

Later on, after the Elder Barlows have left and Amy is put to bed, Steve and Tracy get a little drunk and have a long talk. Also, Tracy tries to do a Northern Irish accent, which is quite funny. (By the way, this is my favourite Northern Irish accent)

Steve moans about his love life, making a reference to October 4, 1994 as a date when he was stood up or something. I looked it up but it didn't make any sense to me.

Anyhow, the two are both drunk and suddenly Steve thinks he should leave. Tracy asks him not to and then they start making out.

This is the thing about Steve. His comfort zone with women is the slightly damaged ones. Moley was a little bit of a sociopath, Karen was bonkers, and now, despite the fact that he has a long history with Tracy, she's a murderess. And he probably knows it and yet, he just can't keep away from her. But I've said it before and I'll say it again. You can't fuck the crazy out of some people.

In Other News

Doreen and Rita are still boozing it up and good for them. Doreen has a plan to play the field for a few years and then settle down with a man with an inheritance. Not a bad plan at all. Back at the Kabin, Emily wonders if she was born an old fuddy-duddy. That would be yes.

Jody Morton approves of the work Bill and Jason, but really Bill, have done on the soon to open kebab shop. Meanwhile, her granddad has been quietly sitting in the Rovers as people try to figure out his deal. Carla Connor thinks he's from Madame Tussaud's. He goes to the fruit machine and wins a jackpot then announces that his name is Wilf.

Liam's still telling Joanne that it was all just a bit of fun but is still offering to buy her drinks.

Sunny's all "So, Michelle. Do you and Sean hang out a lot and tell each other lots of stuff? No, no reason."

Originally Broadcast February 11, 2007.


Anonymous said...

Supberb update! I have two comments why wasn't Claire and Joshua at Amy's party? Where did the little blond girl come from?
And did anyone else scream at their television at the end of last night's show NO STEVE! We knew it would happen they were drinking RED WINE! I just can't get over Tracey's cavalier attitude I really think she thinks she has gotten away with murder and is going to get Charlie's house and all of his money!

Jacqueline said...

1994 - the only thing I can think of is Fiona. He was dating her at the the time, but he never made it down the aisle with her.

She did sthump his dad, Jim, but that was years later after he had thrown her off for Vicky.

Anonymous said...

Oooh, now that's a great point - where were Claire and Joshua?? Bad move on Tracy's part. Bad politics.

She really doesn't get the whole "keep your head down" thing at all, does she?

We have had a case locally, where a teenager driving impaired got into a crash, and one of his passengers was killed. This clown is BLOGGING about his whole court experience, and what a drag it is, and how his social calendar's been shot to hell, and blah blah blah...

Needless to say, regardless of the outcome of the court case, he has lost a lot of support from friends and acquaintances by his unbelievably cavalier and insensitive attitude.

Tracy's behavior reminds me of him, quite frankly, except she's about twice his age.

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...


I think you had some excellent insight into Steve's character. And while I have no personal knowledge, from my Corrie reading, I get the impression that Liz and Jim's marriage may have provided the basis for his completely screwed up relationships.

Those of you who have been watching the show for a while may be more likely to shed light there...


Anonymous said...

Cilla's "Let's show Chesney how replaceable he is by having another" was unbelievably callous, even for her.

Especially for a woman who was just told by the principal how much Ches was affected by her "terminal illness."


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update - I didn't clue in that Jody's grandfather's name was Wilf. I thought he said 'Wealth' to Less and Cilla when he won that small jackpot on the slot machine!

MJ said...

John: Nice soap crossover in that video link of yours as "Katherine" is played by Michelle Ryan, an EastEnders star.

pip said...

Great update, John! Anyone notice how the little guest at Amy's party was a MUCH better actor than Amy - she actually looked pleased and surprised to get a mingy little box of crayons!

I don't think Claire and Joshua's failure to show up at the party was a snub by Tracy. After all we didn't hear Ken and Dierdre moaning on about how she couldn't not invite them. I'm guessing it was just an actor availability thing or something. You know, kind of like how Adam disappeared into the dishwasher for months.

Steve is a complete idiot. Aside from the red wine and his raging libido, exactly what is it that now makes Tracy so attractive? The fact that she killed her boyfriend? Her absolute lack of remorse for doing so? The way she backtalks every member of her family? Her woeful neglect of Amy? Give yourshelf a shake, Steve (or more appropriately, a shudder)

Debbie said...

John, that was HILARIOUS. You hit all the right notes on this one, my boy. Amy is ugly, Steve is an idiot, Liam is swine, Cilla is a bad parent.

Have you really always said that you can't fuck he crazy out of someone, because I may start saying that too.

John said...

Debbie, I made the comment last year when Steve was dating Moley. It seems to be a pattern with him. Chasing Michelle and Oirish Girl is doomed to failure as both of them seem like normal, well adjusted adults.

John said...

MJ - Michelle Ryan is also the new Bionic Woman which I've not seen as I don't have NBC in my cable package. But if the show doesn't have the nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh sound effects when she does bionic stuff, then I'll boycott it.

MJ said...

Bionic Woman was being filmed here in Vancouver but alas, no nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh.

Nor do we hear Piggy Mitchell screech, "Get outta my pub!"

Trudy C said...

Well here's the Tracy & Steve take according to Moi!

I believe that Tracy truly loves Steve - whenever they are together I think she is truly genuine. Steve knows exactly what Tracy's is like - he can read her like a book, I do think he has a soft spot for her.

However, I believe that Steve will be Tracy's downfall. I think he's going to testify against her because of what Charlie told him in the cab and that will probably be the turning point.

kunzie said...

...or, will Tracey eventually make the colossal mistake of confessing to Steve? Sure that he will take it to the grave?

The mute pre-schoolers on the Street continue to mystify me. Is it possible that the children (their parents) are paid a certain fee for appearance without dialogue, and another if the child actually speaks?.....

Hey...what if Amy actually saw the murder and finally decides it's high time to start talking?? That'd be something....

Great update John, as always a real pleasure to read/participate.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one that thinks Amy is cute?? I also really like Tracy. I love that she killed Charlie especially the way she trash talked him before the final bash! I have also always wanted Steve and her to get back together, I think he is the only man she has ever really loved. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills....

pip said...

OMG, Tracy really exists, she has computer access in jail and she's posting under the clever guise of someone named 'anonymous'!

Debbie said...

"Am I the only one that thinks Amy is cute??"


EPS said...

RE: Favorite N Ireland Accent

Netflix has the DVD set for the BBC series "Jekyll" with Michelle Ryan (Zoe of Eastenders now on "The Bionic Woman" - I think it is all the same chick - and James Nesbitt who I have always found to be tres dorky)