Wednesday, September 05, 2007

That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to perform a voodoo dance. - Update


I Christen You, 'Fredrick Thomas Robepierre Buzzcat Peacock'
Tracey gets her invite to the christening and cleverly places it right beside the pizza takeout menu in the kitchen. Later that day she suggest that Charlie order some pizza with a large cock (EXACTLY how does this bitch stay so skinny?).

Anyway, he sees the invite says something along the line of 'You're not really going to this are you?' She says yes, yada yada yada.

As she gets dressed to go to the event Charlie wonders aloud if the gargoyles on the church belfry will come alive and the ground beneath begin to melt the minute Tracey steps foot in the court yard. When she wonders if she'll get in trouble with the vicar for wearing her ipod, Charlie says that he'll probably make her do some Hail Mary's.

'That's Catholic, you heathen!' proclaims Tracey.

Other ways to tell the difference between Catholic and Protestant:

They have a little tumble on the couch which had Glacia riveted to the telly. Sorry, he's far too hot. Then Charlie sends her on her way but not without mentioning that the vestal virgin act is getting old.

Back at the Peacock house, Claire and Mom seem to take delight in rolling their eyes whenever Bev offers to help with the kids and the christening. Bev has the audacity to buy groceries which makes Claire steaming angry. They're actually being a bit bitchy to her and Glacia wishes she could send Bev a g&t.

At the church Ashley comments that he feels like he's never out of church while Eileen prepares to get baptized. (Sean btw - looks fabulous in the white shirt and tie thingy).

Claire and Claire's mom have a chin wag about Bev and Claire's mom says how you'd think Bev would take the hint the way Claire's been acting. Claire's actually shocked that she's being that transparent. Bev meanwhile stands to the side with a stiff upper lip and Haley gives her a hug.

Little Freddy is christened (with a tragic name according to fuzzy hat wearing Amber)and Eileen and Roy recite the Apostles' Creed. (BTW - any Anglicans out there care to explain why they say holy catholic church? This really is just for my own curiosity. Is it considered the Anglican Catholic church as opposed to Roman Catholic church.)

Also, I thought the vicar was kind of cute.

At the reception back at the Peacock's Tracey is persuaded to come in for a quick drink. She is engaged in a fascinating conversation about Dutch christening gowns and online beading places. She clearly wants to kill herself and I...don't....blame...her.

Kevin makes a comment on how he wouldn't recognize his godson if he ran into him on the street, but he tries to remember to pop a card with some cash once a year. Roy says that he is godfather to both Bethany and Amy and that he and Haley have a clever sticker system for their calendar to remember birthdays. (Glacia realizes that her godfather has NEVER sent her any cash and figures he owes her about 41 years worth of McDonald gift certificates.)

The reception ends with Claire making a speech thanking everyone and how much Fred would have loved to have been there. Bev weeps.

The Loveshack
Audrey gets her nails done like Mata Hari and invites Bill around for tea at her place which leads to a few drinks, which eventually leads to Bill spending the night. Of course this goes over JUST as well as you think it would in the Webster household.

Sally is upset but silent, the girl's tease their granddad and Kevin hides behind the newspaper. Bill, a bit worried about he agro he's causing tells Kev and Sal that he spent the night in Audrey's spare bedroom. (Glacia coughs, 'bullshit'.)

When they are in the pub, Bill and Audrey decide that it'd be better all around if he just moved into her flat and hang the consequences. They realize that if they tell Gayle and Sally at the same time, the ladies will both have heart attacks, be put in the same hospital ward and that will save Bill and Audrey money on cab fare when they visit them.


So they tell their respective families with a bit of a 'what you gonna do about it' flare and then drive off to Audrey's love shack.

Oh, yeah, Sally worries that when Maureen can't get a hold of Bill on his cell she'll start calling the Websters. Bill says not to worry because Maureen get lots of 'phone'. What? Is that a euphemism for something?

Grabbing Kids and Locking Them Up Is Well Pervy, Man
As Norris scrubs more graffiti off the Kabin window, Ken makes some comment on how it's really a form of art. Norris replies, 'Oh go home to your Guardian!'.

You know, I'm kind of with Norris on this one. While I do see some graffiti as an art form, I really don't think it's so funny that the Kabin is getting defaced each day and if I had to start every morning scrubbing spray paint off the window I'd be a bit pissed.

Anyway, Norris gets decked out in his cat burglar gear and decides to set up a stake out in the Kabin. Emily thinks he looks like the man from the Milk Tray ad. (YES I found it!)

Sometime during the night, he hears a fuss out side and nabs the little begger. Turns out it's Ryan Conner (Michelle's kid). He confesses right away and Norris keeps him in the Kabin until the police arrive.

When the cops do show up, Ryan denies everything, and with no evidence that he did it, the police give Norris a warning about kidnapping boys off the street. (Norris's deviant behavior is reinforced by Michelle who was warned earlier by Charlie about Norris's peeping tom antics.)

Next day at the Maxine Peacock Death Bench, Chesney, Amber and Ryan are talking about the night's events. Ryan thinks it's funny, and when Rita overhears him laughing, she gives him a bit of shit about it.

Time to Call Colin and Justin's Lesser Known Cousins - Angus and Jocko

Bill estimates that the renovations to the loft will cost about 10 grand. Les, of course can't afford it and tosses Bill out saying that he'll do the renos himself.

Still missing.

Jamie says that if he doesn't show up soon, he's going to claim his inheritance and take over his flat.

Just like that.

With the 'legal document' entitling him all to this written on the back of a paper towel.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm sorry. I know Norris is a nosy twerp, and I usually wouldn't side with him, but the graffiti thing I am absolutely on his side on.

And Rita or Emily (or whoever) made an excellent point that, if it's "art" why doesn't Ryan paint it on his mother's walls?

Bottom line - the Kabin is not his property, and he has no right to deface it.

And so here's Norris, who can't get anyone to take him seriously about this, including the cops, who finally "get his man" and HE gets in trouble for it!

Yes, Norris is a wanker. But in this case, I am 100% on his side.

For a brief second, when Ken was defending the graffiti, I was really hoping my theory had been right and that he was behind it!!

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...


Most mainline Protestant churches use the Creeds (Apostle's and Nicene). The Nicene has the line about "one, holy, catholic and aposotolic church".

As Protestant churches will always point out, the word "catholic" means universal, so when they use the word, they are using it in that sense.

Like we all say "Kleenex" even if we are using Puffs.

At least, that's my Catholic understanding of the issue.

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...

We're going to pretend that I spelled "apostolic" correctly. Ahem.

BTW, I'm so glad that I was not alone in understanding Tracy's despair at the discussion of beadwork and etc. I felt like crap that I totally felt her pain. It made me feel like a bad person. But I can't stand those kinds of conversations. I once sat through an entire bridal shower next to the groom's mother, and wanted to poke my eardrums out with a dull knife by the end of it...


Anonymous said...

Re: "Holy Catholic Church" It popped up as a phrase in my United Church upbringing. It simply refers to the Christian Church, regardless of denomination. Sometimes I'd see "Catholic" substituted with "Universal."

It does cause a bit of confusion as people in my church would assume that it implied that we are worshippers of Roman Cathol.

But then using Universalist in its place might imply we're Unitarian Universalists.

That's why I worship Moloch, God of Fire. Keeps things simple.

Or, er, what Michigander Fan said.

Jacqueline said...

But they were saying the apostles' creed last night, non? I thought that's what it was.

Jacqueline said...

Moloch keeps us warm.

Anonymous said...

Apostle's Creed does make reference to the Holy Catholic Church:

Oh, and I thought the BFF photo of Claire, Tracy, and Hayley was a riot.

westcoast fan said...

I agree Norris got the short end of the stick from the coppers. Since when does the fact that the suspect denies the incident mean that he won't be charged?

Why is Liam so convinced that Danny will come waltzing back at any moment and make a fool of him for being worried. When has Danny ever done that to him? I think its verging on the incredible that his business partner, his son, his former wife and all his 'loyal' employees are simply accepting his disappearance with no thought for calling the police? Especially since Frankie was being all weird and dramatic in the pub the other night in front of Eileen and Liz about 'Danny's got Jamie!' and now Jamie's saying he doesn't know where his dad is. Don't tell me those two don't gossip.

Yeah, I felt sorry for Tracy, too, listening to talk about beadwork patterns. Lovely face Haley made for the photo, though!

kowy said...

Since they are probably using the Church of England (which is what I was raised in), here's my theory.

The Church of England was a made-up church so that our super-religious but philandering King could get divorced without it being a mortal sin. Before that, the original 'official' religion in England was Catholic. The Church of England (C of E) was always 'more catholic than catholic' to me...we said the same prayers, sang the same songs, did the same Communion. The only difference was that if there was any reference to the Pope in the Catholic Church, it was changed to the King (or Queen) in the C of E. our prayers we did say we worshipped one holy Catholic faith.

That said...Sean looked just FABULOUS in church.

papasmurf said...

Rockin' update J!

A gold star for multiple Simpson's inclusions as well.

When Norris grabbed Ryan did he not throw the spray can onto the street? - fairly obvious and easy to find I would think.

westcoast fan said...

Oh, I forgot to mention. What on earth is Steve doing with his hair. That furry thing dangling down his forehead like a backwards tail makes me cringe. Granted he has a very unfortunate male balding pattern, but even the shaved head look was better than this.

Yes, Sean did look mahveluss!

Debbie said...

The Freudian slip in this post was hilarious. tracey asks Charlie to get her a pizza and a large cock, or Jacqueline wants Charlie to get her a pizza and a large cock?


Anonymous said...


I agree. No one seems at all concerned about Danny - very weird, since usually every teeny coming and going is noticed.

RE: Henry 8th - interesting factoid - he got the title "Defender of the Faith" from Pope Whichever because he wrote a treatise against the Protestant movements of Luther and Calvin. When he formed his own church, he kept the title.


Anonymous said...

AAAANNNDD.. no one mentioned my favorite bit in the whole hour:

Eileen, Sean and Jayshun are walking toward the church... they are talking about the impending baptism. Sean says that Eileen is on the Road to Damascus. Jayshun is completely flummoxed. No clue.

Sean repeats himself, and when he realizes Jayshun has no idea of what he's talking about, Sean says it's the road by Sainsbury's, you just make a left (or some such).



Rob Swizzle said...

Love the liturgical liguistics conversation!

Jimmy Rabbitte in Roddy Doyle's The Commitments describes himself as having a "catholic taste in music", which I thought was a much nicer turn of phrase than "messy record collection."

Rob Swizzle said...

Re: Tracy (EXACTLY how does this bitch stay so skinny?):

Either Tracy's machinations burn an awful lot of calories, or she contains so much gall and bile all her food is reduced to ash upon hitting her stomach.

Anonymous said...

The police letting go young Connor while cautioning old Cole was particularly unbelievable. And if he is confessing to all and sundry except the police, wouldn't they tell the police?

What was that thingy with Chesney and Sophie and the light? Was it simply a way to increase the suspense about the graffiti, trying to get us to think that it was actually Chesney? Or did I just dream that bit up?

I think I may have been the only one who thought that Sean's necktie was a bit silly. But I am not really a fashion plate, so what do I know.

Whitehorse Fan

Anonymous said...

Glacia said: But they were saying the apostles' creed last night, non? I thought that's what it was.

Um... not sure. I wasn't really paying attention. The apostles' creed is the short one, and the nicene creed is the long one. They basically say the same stuff, but the nicene creed flushes out points of doctrine more - phrases like "and proceeds from the father and the son" and stuff. But to be honest, I was still recovering from the Road to Damascus comment.


Anonymous said...


I think Chesney and Sophie took that light as decoration for his hip new pad. He's going for the "middle-class college kid who wants to pretend he's a tough criminal" vibe.

Now all that's missing is a street sign for "High Street".

Groovy, man!


Anonymous said...

Nobody is mentioning Audrey and Bill?!?

Heh. My word verification is scull...(makes Ronnie James Dio devil horns with right hand...)


Anonymous said...

Aaah...Audrey and Bill. I was a bit appalled at how cavalier they were about the whole thing. And although I am chagrined to agree with Sally and Gail, I think if my parent was committing adultery, I would be as disapproving, if not more. That, and I simply would not want to think of my parent as a sexual being.

I am a recent convert to the Street, so don't know anything about Maureen. From other posts I take it she is no peach. But if you are unhappy, there is such a thing as divorce. It does not justify betrayal.

Whitehorse Fan

westcoast fan said...

Yes, I'm rather surprised by Audrey as well. I can't recall her reaction when she found out Maria had been having an affair with Charlie right under Tracy's nose, but I don't believe it was positive.

She really is setting a horrible example for her grandchildren and just confirming for David that it's perfectly okay not to worry that your behavior might be hurting an innocent person and to turn a blind eye to what society (or your family) thinks of your behavior.

Whitehorse fan, I think you have to view Sean's tie in context. For a gay guy it is subtly fab.

Anonymous said...

I tried to put myself in that frame of mind. I thought to myself "WWGGD" (What Would a Gay Guy Do?" but even then the necktie just didn't work for me.

Again, though, I do live in Whitehorse, where rubber boots and plaid shirts are the height of fashion, so I realize that I may not be a very good judge.

Whitehorse Fan

Anonymous said...

Excellent update as always. I agree with some of the other posters...regarding Bill and Audrey. Bill is MARRIED, his wife may be a bit of a flake but she is a nice lady who doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
I also don't get what is going on with Danny, I think it is time the authorities were called in. How thick is Jamie? Does he actually think a few notes scrawled on a piece of note paper mean he inherits the kingdom??s

Jacqueline said...

Debbie: The Freudian slip in this post was hilarious. tracey asks Charlie to get her a pizza and a large cock, or Jacqueline wants Charlie to get her a pizza and a large cock?

More ways to guarantee we won't get a mention in 'On Air' magazine

Jacqueline said...

Yeah, it was the aposotles' creed.

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe I was actually right about who the graffitti 'artist' was! I am never right.

WHAT IN HELL HAPPENED TO DAVID'S HEAD? Has Sarah been practicing again?

Yes, Audrey wants to live a little, but holy adultery Batman! There is discreet boinking, and then there's in-your-face-Maureen-and-everyone-on-the-blinking-street boinking.

The Norris/Conner kid story line was painfully bad. I felt sorry for Norris, and felt the entire police situation was ludricious.

And finally, what exactly does Sal want Kev to do about Bill? Lecture him? Ground him? Force him to take the morning after pill? Oops, that was Rosie, sorry!

~missusmac, who wonders if Danny had written his wishes on a serviette or book of matches it would be more legally binding?

nwtrunner said...

I have my own creed, which hits a few themes in this thread of Comments - never worship a rye and cock, wear your tie properly (unless you *do* worship a rye and cock), and a lot of what is called 'art' is really shite and looks like it was done by wee wankers in hoodies.

I laughed when someone on the show said that the spray painted grafitti will be worth a fortune someday, cuz it is and will be! Young Ryan le artiste could also paint murals on his mother's very very very shiny black hair....

For the record - to the person that wrote about which religion came first - I think the pagans did. So, does that makes paganism the "one and true" religion?!

Norris is, and has always been, a wanker - but he's such a *great* wanker, isn't he??!

As for Jamie and his piece of napkin with his 'inheritance' written doon on it - wouldnae bother me one wee bit to see him get into the black taxi and leave the street as he looks back longingly, rain falling on the back window, while our favourite theme music plays.

Now that he's got a rapidly expanding Frankie and a just-announced Violet to deal with - maybe life on the road (a la Daddy) wouldn't be such a bad idea after all?! His Mum will be so proud of him - once she sobers up around 2010... ;-)

Jacqueline said...

'wouldnae bother me one wee bit"

Hi-fives NWTRUNNER on his use of 'wouldnae'.

Anonymous said...

Regarding Bill and Audrey, I wish I could remember better what happened just when Bill took off with Maureen for I seem to think it was her ticket out of the street and away from relationship with Fred (?) and away from caring for a bossy but loving wheelchair bound mother..... and Bill was sort of taking her away with the same attitude he has now with Audrey (live for the moment...go for it....). It may be his character but I could be wrong.

Corrie Camper

EPS said...

catholic -small "c" = all embracing
from Greek katholikos
kata= with respect to
plus holos= whole

a bit like Democrat and democrat
Republican and republican


Anonymous said...

If Norris really looked like the man in the Milk Tray ads, Emily and Rita would be fighting over him!