Wednesday, September 05, 2007
That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to perform a voodoo dance. - Update
I Christen You, 'Fredrick Thomas Robepierre Buzzcat Peacock'
Tracey gets her invite to the christening and cleverly places it right beside the pizza takeout menu in the kitchen. Later that day she suggest that Charlie order some pizza with a large cock (EXACTLY how does this bitch stay so skinny?).
Anyway, he sees the invite says something along the line of 'You're not really going to this are you?' She says yes, yada yada yada.
As she gets dressed to go to the event Charlie wonders aloud if the gargoyles on the church belfry will come alive and the ground beneath begin to melt the minute Tracey steps foot in the court yard. When she wonders if she'll get in trouble with the vicar for wearing her ipod, Charlie says that he'll probably make her do some Hail Mary's.
'That's Catholic, you heathen!' proclaims Tracey.
Other ways to tell the difference between Catholic and Protestant:
They have a little tumble on the couch which had Glacia riveted to the telly. Sorry, he's far too hot. Then Charlie sends her on her way but not without mentioning that the vestal virgin act is getting old.
Back at the Peacock house, Claire and Mom seem to take delight in rolling their eyes whenever Bev offers to help with the kids and the christening. Bev has the audacity to buy groceries which makes Claire steaming angry. They're actually being a bit bitchy to her and Glacia wishes she could send Bev a g&t.
At the church Ashley comments that he feels like he's never out of church while Eileen prepares to get baptized. (Sean btw - looks fabulous in the white shirt and tie thingy).
Claire and Claire's mom have a chin wag about Bev and Claire's mom says how you'd think Bev would take the hint the way Claire's been acting. Claire's actually shocked that she's being that transparent. Bev meanwhile stands to the side with a stiff upper lip and Haley gives her a hug.
Little Freddy is christened (with a tragic name according to fuzzy hat wearing Amber)and Eileen and Roy recite the Apostles' Creed. (BTW - any Anglicans out there care to explain why they say holy catholic church? This really is just for my own curiosity. Is it considered the Anglican Catholic church as opposed to Roman Catholic church.)
Also, I thought the vicar was kind of cute.
At the reception back at the Peacock's Tracey is persuaded to come in for a quick drink. She is engaged in a fascinating conversation about Dutch christening gowns and online beading places. She clearly wants to kill herself and I...don't....blame...her.
Kevin makes a comment on how he wouldn't recognize his godson if he ran into him on the street, but he tries to remember to pop a card with some cash once a year. Roy says that he is godfather to both Bethany and Amy and that he and Haley have a clever sticker system for their calendar to remember birthdays. (Glacia realizes that her godfather has NEVER sent her any cash and figures he owes her about 41 years worth of McDonald gift certificates.)
The reception ends with Claire making a speech thanking everyone and how much Fred would have loved to have been there. Bev weeps.
Audrey gets her nails done like Mata Hari and invites Bill around for tea at her place which leads to a few drinks, which eventually leads to Bill spending the night. Of course this goes over JUST as well as you think it would in the Webster household.
Sally is upset but silent, the girl's tease their granddad and Kevin hides behind the newspaper. Bill, a bit worried about he agro he's causing tells Kev and Sal that he spent the night in Audrey's spare bedroom. (Glacia coughs, 'bullshit'.)
When they are in the pub, Bill and Audrey decide that it'd be better all around if he just moved into her flat and hang the consequences. They realize that if they tell Gayle and Sally at the same time, the ladies will both have heart attacks, be put in the same hospital ward and that will save Bill and Audrey money on cab fare when they visit them.
So they tell their respective families with a bit of a 'what you gonna do about it' flare and then drive off to Audrey's love shack.
Oh, yeah, Sally worries that when Maureen can't get a hold of Bill on his cell she'll start calling the Websters. Bill says not to worry because Maureen get lots of 'phone'. What? Is that a euphemism for something?
Grabbing Kids and Locking Them Up Is Well Pervy, Man
As Norris scrubs more graffiti off the Kabin window, Ken makes some comment on how it's really a form of art. Norris replies, 'Oh go home to your Guardian!'.
You know, I'm kind of with Norris on this one. While I do see some graffiti as an art form, I really don't think it's so funny that the Kabin is getting defaced each day and if I had to start every morning scrubbing spray paint off the window I'd be a bit pissed.
Anyway, Norris gets decked out in his cat burglar gear and decides to set up a stake out in the Kabin. Emily thinks he looks like the man from the Milk Tray ad. (YES I found it!)
Sometime during the night, he hears a fuss out side and nabs the little begger. Turns out it's Ryan Conner (Michelle's kid). He confesses right away and Norris keeps him in the Kabin until the police arrive.
When the cops do show up, Ryan denies everything, and with no evidence that he did it, the police give Norris a warning about kidnapping boys off the street. (Norris's deviant behavior is reinforced by Michelle who was warned earlier by Charlie about Norris's peeping tom antics.)
Next day at the Maxine Peacock Death Bench, Chesney, Amber and Ryan are talking about the night's events. Ryan thinks it's funny, and when Rita overhears him laughing, she gives him a bit of shit about it.
Time to Call Colin and Justin's Lesser Known Cousins - Angus and Jocko
Bill estimates that the renovations to the loft will cost about 10 grand. Les, of course can't afford it and tosses Bill out saying that he'll do the renos himself.
Jamie says that if he doesn't show up soon, he's going to claim his inheritance and take over his flat.
Just like that.
With the 'legal document' entitling him all to this written on the back of a paper towel.