Monday, June 11, 2007

Real Update

Claire gets whacked by a contract put out by Phil's twin grandchildren.

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaah...okay, I am silly.

Here's the real update brought to you by Glenda (but written by John Dean).

Before I post it, I'd like to add that the Claire story line is WONDERFUL. Both the writing and the acting on her part have been amazing. (Mr. Glacia and I once had to take a young lady who was living us to the h'ospickle for a nervous breakdown, and it was very, very much like what I've saw on Corrie on Sunday.) Kudos all around for a very believable story.

Also, John...how does she get her hair so shiny?

Here's yer update. (Oh, I just added a bit from the previous week to make it all flow.)

Claire’s post-natal depression hits a new low this week when she took Thomas back to th’ospickle, convinced she picked up the wrong baby in the maternity ward. She dumps the baby in the ladies loo and heads home to pick up t’other son Josh. She’d told Ashley she was going to see her dying mum, so Ashley, as you can imagine, got quite a shock when Claire’s mum turned up in the butcher shop as fit as a fiddle except for a twinge in her knee. When Claire returns home, all hell is let loose. Ashley and her mum have a right old go at her, can’t understand what she’s going through and you just feel so very, very sorry for Claire. Julia Haworth who plays Claire has been doing a fantastic job in this role lately and if she doesn’t win best dramatic performance at next years soap awards, I’ll eat my trilby.

And finally this week, Cilla starts selling off all the stuff in their house on eBay to raise cash to pay the bills. Well, that’s the theory anyway but when Yana persuades her mate to splash the cash on fun instead of on food at Freshco, Cilla doesn’t need much tempting. She books a holiday to Ayia Napa with her mate and tells Les she’s leaving him and Chesney home alone with empty cupboards and no food.



September 18, 2006
This weeks' update written by John Dean. Glenda is on holiday.

At last - Sean's birthday! He gets a tie from Hayley which has bras and knickers embroidered on it. Which just seems WRONG on so many levels.

Ashley's trying to persuade the Social Worker that there's something wrong with Clur when DING DONG - it's the DOCTAH! (Not THE Doctor, nemesis of the Peacock family for so many years, but A Doctor, not at all tall). The Doctor claims Claire's problem is "hard to pin down" but it may be post natal depression. Well, DUH!

And Liam (who seems to have a staggeringly comprehensive knowledge of the garment business - taking in stock control, quality assessment and pricing - when his only previous experience has been flogging thongs on a market stall) is pumping Hayley for information about Danny.

Claire and Ashley have a big row on the street. "I'm a trained Nanny!" shouts Claire, just as she pushes "That baby" in front of an oncoming car. Back at home, Claire flushes her anti-depressants down the sink and Ashley realises the problem is beyond his control.

Kelly has responded to Liam's requirement that, for Health and Safety purposes, she has to ditch the sexy outfits. Sally wants to know if the old clothes have been donated to a prostitutes' refuge. Kelly is understandably bitter at people who make people dress up in old clothes so they look like their auntie.

Ashley tricks Claire into going to the hospital for assessment, not realising that the Doctor can commit Claire to a course of in-patient
treatment. Doctor Bannerjee, by the way, turns out to be Mike Baldwin's old solicitor, Frankie. Either Frankie is to play no further part in the show and the actress has moved on (via Casualty or Holby City or something), or there's some really clever "evil twin" sub-plot going on. Claire is,
naturally, desperately upset. "You're punishing me for being such a terrible mother", she claims. So she's a bad mother? John Shaft was a bad mother and everyone liked him.

The Rovers karaoke is in full swing. Michelle "Lego head" Connor is belting out the old stuff. When Deirdre wants to know why Michelle's hair is so shiny, Liz suggests it's because she rubs it with a pork chop. I want to know why it never moves. Is it really one of those plastic Lego pieces that you fit on the head with a little spike? Deirdre, Eileen and Liz have a go at "It's Raining Men", which is a long way from their personal situation. And Jamie and Sean do a very passable Elton and Kiki after threatening to be Donny and Marie. Oh dear ... I feel an implausible story line coming on.

Over at the Baldwin's, Violet's seductive voice wafts down the stairs, enticing Jamie back to bed. Reminiscent of the days when the Lancashire housewife would shout to her husband "Dost want use of me body before I put me corset on?". But Jamie just wants to read the paper.

Fred and Bev return to the Street, I say Fred and Bev ...As a subtle subterfuge they're claiming that Bev has food poisoning. "Never buy a prawn where you can't hear a seagull" opines Fred. But really they're back because of the Claire "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest" scenario. Ashley's hopes are dashed that Claire will be sent home after an overnight stay. The Doc wants to keep her in for at least a fortnight. And Claire is not a happy camper. Well, actually, she's not any kind of camper what with being locked inside a hospital ward.

Danny returns and calls on Adam. A golden opportunity for Adam to let Danny know what's been going on. But ole Brer Adam, he don't say nuffin, he jest smile ...

So Danny gets a very rude shock when he sets the alarm off going into Underworld and his code doesn't work. He assumes the youthful Liam Gallagher look-alike bounding past him is the man from the alarm company. He's staggered to find it's his new partner. So staggered he does that weird lizard thing with his tongue that signifies thought and puzzlement. Very unsettling. But after a chat to his brief he determines that the fine print allows Liam to have all the statements and reports he likes as well as 40 per cent of the profits, but it nowhere guarantees him access to the factory. So Danny has Hayley escort the lad from the premises and then he changes the locks. And then he offers to buy the Gallagher brothers out - "Name your price, girls!"

Meantime, Steve has "had a look at the books" of the Rovers - which seem to consist of a box file, a couple of manky manila folders and a few dozen invoices in a paper clip - and pronounces himself delighted at the financial robustness and agrees to buy the pub so his Mum can run it.

Storylines you're glad I didn't include ;

Norris and Rita and the free pen

Things Craig can legally do now he's 16

Euphemisms Charlie and Maria are coming up with for sex (Oh, OK,
just the one - "Fixing the loose tiles in the bathroom")

Betty and her Cyril's "fancy dress parties"

Fizz's driving lessons

Liam and Frankie and Danny and Alice (OK, Alice is a fictional
character)

The bloke who looks frighteningly like me playing strip ludo
with Claire in the Psych ward

But I will include the "diagnosis of the week" which came, not from any of the half dozen doctors and nurses we saw dithering around Mrs
Peacock, but in Fred's response to the question "'Ow's Claire"

"Barkin'"

NB - The updates for the next couple of weeks will be delayed. Richard and Janet have discovered that Glenda hides the tunnocks under the bed when she's away and they're too busy picking off the dust bunnies to put pen to paper.

John Dean

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Random thoughts about this week's omnibus:

Claire is doing an awesome job w/this storyline. Very impressed with the actress, and grudgingly with Ashley as well. When I said "cart her off in a straightjacket" a couple of weeks ago, I had no idea how close I really was!

The imposter baby has a name with me now: Mini-Fred. Did anyone else laugh out loud seeing chubby, pasty, bald Fred holding a 10-lb. version of himself?

Couldn't decide which was scarier: Liz, Deirdre & Eileen singing It's Raining Men or Sean & Jamie singing Don't Go Breaking My Heart. (Side bar - how'd they get THERE? It's a long road from Donny & Marie to Elton & Kiki Dee...)

Danny's back and the shite is gonna hit the fan!

Don't they have driving schools in England? Poor Fizz...

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...

Oh, and one more thing. The actor who plays Norris gets kudos from me. He really has a finger on the pulse of that character. He's sooooo annoying (which is exactly what he is supposed to be).

In a weird way, he reminds me of Milton from Office Space. Remember the red stapler?

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...

I agree, the actor playing Ashley showed way more range and emotion than I have seen previously, even when Maxine was murdered by Hillman.

Steve didn't have 30 cents a few weeks ago, now he's got enough equity to raise cash for the Rovers?

Is it me, or is Danny the only person you've ever known to go on holiday and come back thinner?

Nice to see Emily again, even if it is only commenting in a crap story line about a pen.

I'm with Michigander on the Jamie/Sean story line. Where is that going? I don't see Jamie suddenly deciding he's gay, and I don't see Jamie suddenly deciding the News of the World is more fun than Sunday a.m. in bed with Violet. Weird...

-missusmac

Rob Swizzle said...

re: "You're punishing me for being such a terrible mother", she claims. So she's a bad mother? John Shaft was a bad mother and everyone liked him.

Great, great, stuff.

Anonymous said...

Missus,

I agree. It's weird. Jamie was all about Violet there for a while. The she wants to move in and he is SOOO not into it. I thought at the time that he was still sort of harboring feelings for Frankie.

If they are going to have Jamie experiment, they should have set it up differently, IMHO. It doesn't gel with the whole "big crush on me stepmum" thing.

Also, I wondered about Steve-o coming up with that moolah myself. He didn't have the money to dissolve his partnership with Lloyd (who seems to have completely disappeared) but now he's got the green to set mummy up in t'Rovers?

Sometimes I think the writers start each week with amnesia.

Michigander Fan

John said...

I'm waiting for Jamie to have this conversation with Violet:

"Really, Violet, I don't what you're so worked up about. Just because two guys are friends and one guy does a thing to the other guy and the other guy doesn't do it back, or prevent it from happening, it don't make him gay, Violet. Does it?"

No, I don't think Jamie's switching swides, I just think he's "just not that into her" and hangs around Sean to avoid dealing with it.

Besides I'm sure there's some uncomfortable Sean/Violet/Jamie fanfic out there already. *shudder*

Debbie said...

M.F.
That baby just gets fatter. I laugh every time I see him.

Jacqueline said...

You got know they're feeding him sausage and bacon butties.

EPS said...

I saw that Kate Ford (Tracy) won the Best Actress Award in the UK _ now that I see the Claire/MH story
line I really think she should have considered. The actress playing Claire has really begun to shine.

Of course, it will be months yet before we see ol' Tracy in her Mum's old cell.
EPS

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't believe how thin the actor who plays Danny is. He's not sick is he? I must admit that Danny is one of my favorite characters and I would hate to see him leave the Street.

Westcoast fan

Jacqueline said...

I thought I was the only who noticed how thin Danny looks.

Anonymous said...

Before I forget, what about that great line from Craig when Hayley congratulates him on his 16th birthday and asks him if he knows what it means and he replies (obviously without thinking)'Yeah, I can have sex' and is then thoroughly embarrassed. Craig is such an open book, he's very refreshing. Kind of like an intelligent Kirkeh.

Westcoast fan