Sunday, March 04, 2007

Your Lumpy Bumpy Tipsoholic Friday Update

Hey, Corrie Canuck'ers! Thanks for the brilliant weekend. Hope to share a pint again very soon. Post pictures if you have them.

Now down to business:

Sean’s eating cereal and sulking. He’s sure there’s a rational reason his dad didn’t show up or even call, like he couldn’t stand the sight of him, he hates his guts, he’s a big disappointment to him, etc.. Eileen says she thinks he’s marvelous.
“Yeah, but you’re not my dad,” Sean says, “You’re not butch enough. Mind you….” Eileen smacks him upside the head.

Nathan gets the story on how Steve slept with Kelly. “What, and you haven’t decked him?” He asks incredulously. Lloyd likes to think he’s above that. “No mate, I’ll be all right. I’ll just keep on breathing into the pain. That’s what us men do, isn’t it?”

Kelly catches sight of him as he climbs into his cab. She bends down to talk to him but he says he has nothing to say to her and drives off. “Who you giving dirty looks to?” Joanne asks Nathan.
“I dunno,” he replies, “the local bike?”

Steve catches Liz telling Rita all the gossip about Ronnie and how she hopes they lock her up and throw away the key.
“Flippin!” he yells, “Who needs a town crier when we got you, eh?” He stomps out. Liz rushes after him, Rita in tow because she hasn’t paid for the smokes.

“She’s venom,” Liz says of Ronnie, “I’nt she, Vern? She took us all for fools!” Steve says he doesn’t want to face Lloyd. Liz assures him his luck will change. Er, let’s see; Karen, Tracey, Ronnie. If I were Liz, I’d be keeping Steve under heavy sedation from now on. He shouldn't be trusted to mate.

Vernon invites him for a brew, sort of put it off for awhile.
“Hey, we’ve all done it,” he slaps Steve on the shoulder.
“Done what?” asks Liz.
“Slept with a mate’s missus. I mean, that stuff happens. It’s a man thing.” Ew.

At the Factory, Kelly is crying that she knows she did wrong. What does she have to do to say she’s sorry?
“Well you can’t, really, not in those situations,” Sally says because she knows so much about apologizing for cheating. Oh, right, Kevin still doesn’t know so shut yer gob, Sally!

“Yeah, all right, I slept wi’ Steve. But me an’ Lloyd, we were on a break!” Kelly says (Glacia points out the homage to Friends). Kelly breaks down completely and Hayley’s heart melts, “Aw, it’s all a bit of a mess, isn’t it, you poor poppet!” She says she always feels better after a good blow. She’s referring to Kleenex, of course.

Janice tells them all how Ronnie was hauled off for the hit and run. They’re all scandalized, except for Sean, who Kelly points out is being very quiet today. Sean is not giving her any sympathy. He asks Danny if he can go home because he has a migraine. Leanne sticks up for him, insisting that he be allowed to leave.

“Is it just me or are your baguettes getting smaller,” Eileen asks Diggory. He explains that chip bags always seemed to be getting smaller to him until he realized he was just getting bigger. Open mouth, insert foot. Eileen looks ready to murder.

Jamie overhears as Sean leaves a polite message for his dad. Jamie thinks dads are more trouble than they’re worth. Sean asks him to give him a lift to Brian’s house. Jamie agrees.
“Oh thanks, mate,” Sean replies. “That’s me saying mate! I’ve never said mate in me life. Next I’ll be asking you about the football.”

Steve finally risks entering Streetcars but Lloyd immediately takes his leave. Later, Liz is gossiping with Eileen, mentioning again that she’d like to slap Ronnie.
Vernon pipes up, “I don’t usually condone violence to women, but in this case I’ll make an exception.” Right.

Lloyd returns and Liz asks him to remember what Steve’s been through.
“If he wasn’t fiddling with my girlfriend, he might have been able to keep an eye on the psycho bitch from hell,” Lloyd replies.
“Look, just take a chill pill, mate,” Vernon says helpfully.
Lloyd tells Eileen he doesn’t trust himself to be in the same room with Steve right now.

“I have to have Botox soon. The stress is giving me lines,” Sean says as they pull up to his dad’s house. He knocks on the door and his dad’s wife answers. She says Brian’s not there, but Jamie spies him peaking out from behind the curtains. He doesn’t say anything to Sean, though, just offers to buy him a pint.

At Roy’s, Danny’s complaining to Leanne about Janice’s habits, exiting the bathroom naked. “An’ then she turns ‘round to me an’ says, ‘oooh Danny boy, thought you might’a come in an’ rub me back.’”
“Get you, Alistair McGowan,” Leanne laughs.
He thinks it’s time Janice found her own place but Leanne likes having her around. “Besides, Danny love, once we’re married, she’ll practically be your mother in law.” Danny looks ill.

“I have to admit, your lumpy bumpy is second to none,” Hayley says to Diggory. Thank gawd Corrie Blog provides an explanation here.

Kelly asks if the cakes haven’t gotten smaller. Diggory says ‘bijou’ is all the trend. Joanne asks if the prices have gone ‘bijou’, too. Presumably not so he gives them a selection for a pound to distract them from his lumpy bumpy and small bijou’s.

Kelly offers to buy Lloyd a pint. “You got any pins?” he asks, “Only I’d much rather stick pins in me eyes than drink with you. Every offence intended.” He leaves.

Sean is feeling rejected all over again, saying it was bad enough the first time around. He gets drunk on three large vodka’s. He says he’s not an alcoholic, he’s a tipsoholic. Then he belches. “Scuze I!” He chatters with Rita about being a tipsoholic, then asks Jamie, “What’s she trying to be my new best friend for?”
Jamie and Violet wisely ply him with cheese and pickle sandwiches.
“Do you have any brown bread?” He asks.
“You are joking,” Violet replies.
“Drag it along the floor and it soon will be!” he laughs, then honk-honk’s Violet’s boobs . Oh. My. Gawd.

Meanwhile, Lloyd gets a text message, “I AM SO SO SORRY, LOVE KELLY.” Violet tells him not to fight the pain, to go into a field and scream if he has to. Lloyd says he wishes he could sleep, instead of lying there, thinking about Kelly and Steve together. He feels like his head is about to explode.

At the Factory, Leanne hands out the teas, a tea towel draped over the tray like a curtain to hide her belly, suggesting that the props guys are running out of options at this point. Danny gives her crap for sucking up to the staff.
“(Sean’s) got as much of a migraine as I have… Dolly Parton records.”
Leanne replies that she just wants to build up a relationship with them. He tells her to stop trying so hard. She thinks he’s just mad because Janice is eating them out of house and home but she has a plan. She waves his credit card in his face and takes her leave.

Sean says he’s not drunk, he’s sober as a judge. He’s just trying to pretend he's drunk to make himself feel better. He’s been messed around by fellows all his life, he’s not going to take it from his own dad. He decides to wash ‘that man’ right out of his hair.

Unfortunately, Brian’s just walked in. He apologizes for the other day. He says he just got stood up for his boozy lunch. “Well, in the words of Alanis Morissette, isn’t that ironic,” Sean replies. Brian says there’s something he has to tell Sean.

The End.


Rob Swizzle said...

Whenever Violet, Jamie and Sean are together, they resemble some adorable little rock band. Maybe it's just because they spend all their time driving around in a van solving mysteries.

missusmac said...

Ha, good one Rob! Scooby-dooby doo.

I checked out the recipe for bumpy lumpy cake -- yes, I do have time on my hands. The buttercream filling alone involves 1/2 cup of Crisco!!

Couldn't they have shown Leanne's stomach all along, and just say she was eating a lot of lumpy bumpy cake?

Jacqueline said...

SCOOBY DOO! Hi-larious!

It was the 'honk honk' that got the big laughs here at chez glacia.

And just like Alanais, irony is confused with coincidence.

Pamer said...

Vi didn't even flinch at the honk honk. THAT's my kind of girl!

Anonymous said...

Here is a recipe for Lumpy Bumpy cake...Sanders style for the Michigan people...Perhaps the Canadians here have bought Bumpy cake at one of our grocery stores or from a Sanders shop in the Detroit area? I die for it...

Click on here to see what a Sanders BUMPY Cake looks like...kinda the same thing...

That link to Hayley's cake doesn't work btw...

Michigan Corrie Lover