Saturday, March 31, 2007
The Queen Update
This update is dedicated to all the Queens.
THE NEW JACK AND VERA
Jason is loading construction scraps into a bin and Sarah appears.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Jason says.
Sarah wonders if the junk in the Platt yard will fit. Then Sarah leaves, and Charlie says the worst thing is that Sarah knows exactly what Jason is thinking.
I’m confused. And Trevor just rewound it, too, so obviously we’re both confused.
Meanwhile, Charlie won’t be Jason’s best man because he’s allergic to weddings after the Shelley fiasco. Jason says he can’t ask Todd. Was that what Jason thought Sarah was thinking about? Best man duties?
Later, Sarah tells Jason that they need to get the moms together more as they’re going to be sort of related. Jason asks Bev if she can handle bar fights. Bev says to bring it on. He still thinks it’s a bad idea.
“Jason, just do as you’re told, eh?” Sarah says.
“Uh, don’t boss me about, Sarah.”
“I wouldn’t if you’d just do as I said without arguing.”
“You’ve been told,” Bev smiles.
So was the mom thing what Jason thought Sarah was thinking?
Wait - why do I even care what Jason thought Sarah was thinking?
IN WHICH EVERYTHING IS NICE
Later, Sarah invites Eileen to sit with her and Gail. She’s clearly not pleased but says she’ll try to behave herself. Eileen, Audrey and Gail try to exchange niceties (in that they say “nice” repeatedly).
“How was London?” asks Sarah.
“Nice,” says Eileen.
“See the Queen?” Gail asks in snarky tones.
“See Todd? Yeah,” Eileen replies.
“Mom!!” Sarah exclaims.
“No, I didn’t mean….” Gail starts, totally flustered. Audrey cuts in and rescues her.
MEANWHILE, IN DA HOUSE
Tracy says Dierdre’s taking the sprog for the night so they can play grown ups (what d’you mean, pay bills ‘n stuff?). Charlie says he has too much to do. “Maybe later in the week.”
That is, until he overhears Steve asks Shelley out for dinner at the Italian place. It appears Steve means it and Shelley accepts as Bev giggles in the corner. Charlie immediate asks Tracy out to, you guessed it, the Italian place.
Back at the flat, we learn Charlie is putting a bath big enough for two in Number Six. Tracy wonders why he’s going to so much effort for something he’s just going to rent it or flip it or whatever. Charlie says money buys them options. “When we get a house, it’s going to be a lot better than Number Six.”
Wait a sec, did we miss an episode? Weren’t they pushing Keef out so they could move in right away? Weren’t they standing on the street with armloads of their junk as Keef drove away? I’m so confused by this episode!! Nothing is clear!
OH MAMA MIA
Ashley and Claire bicker over whether or not he wants to go to the antenatal class. He says he’ll look after Joshua so as not to cause a fuss with her mom, who is supposed to be going with her. But he still wants to be involved. Claire reassures him that there’ll be plenty to do when the “bundle of joy” arrives. He’ll just have to catch up on the DVD’s and books later.
Note: I wonder how many degrees of red Ashley could achieve if he saw an actual episiotomy? I just achieved two shades myself and I only had to type the word.
Adam and Joanne are cozy in a Rovers booth, touching shoulders ‘n stuff. Sean wants to know everything they know about Sheffield. They know it’s in Yorkshire and it has two football teams. “It’s also the city where my father lives,” Sean announces. His mom is pretty certain he used to live there, anyway. “I mean, how many Paul Jones’ can there possibly be in Sheffield?”
Approximately 164, apparently. Sean gets right down to it, dialing number 55 on the list. “Five’s my lucky number so 55 is like super lucky.” Unfortunately, it’s not the right Paul Jones, so only 163 more to go!
CHARLIE LAYS HIS CARDS ON THE TABLE
Gawd, I don’t even want to type this part out. But here goes:
Shelley is commenting on her spaghetti. Enter Charlie and Tracy stage right. Charlie uses the opportunity to pretend to be a decent bloke. Makes Tracy look like a right cow, too.
But don’t be fooled, my pretties. The Master Manipulator is at work.
Charlie and Tracy find their own table and the couples exchange sneers and glances across the room. Shelley guesses Charlie did it on purpose, coming to the same restaurant on the same night. Tracy bitches that Shelley did it on purpose. She simultaneously ignores a second call from Dierdre.
Shelley says that Charlie is a distant memory, growing more distant by the minute. Until a bottle or red shows up at the table, compliments of Charlie. Not distant enough, I guess.
Tracy says she’s as likely to be interested in Steve again as Charlie would be in Shelley. Steve sends champagne to them. “Our champagne trumps their poxy-assed red any day,” Shelley says.
Tracy is just offering to go into the kitchen to spit in their tiramisu when her phone rings again and she answers with the ever graceful “What?!” It’s Dierdre, of course, and Amy’s very sick. Steve offers to drive her, and they depart, leaving Charlie and Shelley behind. “Looks like it’s just you and me, then,” Charlie says.
“Shame to let it go to waste,” Charlie retrieves the champagne. Shelley looks like she’s thinking, “what the hell am I doing?” Indeed, Shelley, what the hell are you doing?
Charlie apologizes for “everything I should be sorry for.” Shelley says that’s a long list. “You bullied me, you abused me, and you drove me to the very brink of my sanity.” Charlie appears broken up. “I still remember the good bits,” he says. He remembers the passion, but don’t tell Tracy. He says he’s sorry about he bad bits. He wishes her well for the future.
Shelly looks uncomfortable. “Charlie, I don’t need your permission to be happy anymore. But I am happy.” He says he’s happy she’s happy and that he turned up at the church to marry her and that he was madly in love with her. He says he’ll never feel that way again, and certainly not with Tracy. He says she knows him better than anyone alive.
Oh, now he has a confession. That they’re in the same restaurant isn’t an accident. He set out to ruin her evening. He’s still obsessed with the past. He is still getting over her.
Shelley admits it’s been very civilized but she has to leave now. She’s decides to walk home. He catches up with her, offering to walk a few steps behind her. He follows her to the Rovers’ back door. He asks her to invite him in for a nightcap. He wants to see her inside because a dark and empty pub could be dangerous (despite the fact that it’s always dark and empty when she closes it up every freakin’ night).
“Just one last drink?” she asks, as we all scream NOOOOOoOooooOooooo! At our television sets. Man, is she a sucker, as Charlie well knows because sure enough, he does the Charlie smirk before following her inside.