Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Corriebury Tales Update


The Blind and Dumb Wif of Wefferfield
David is being a right little swanker and trying to work Gail around his little finger.

He tells her that the english assignment he has is Canterbury Tales and that she just needs to read 'The Prioress Prologue and Tale' and they'll be set.

Of course, Gayle, who apparantly hadn't know about Olde Englishe happily sits down to give the book a boo.

But Jesu Crist, as ye in bookes fynde,
Wil that his glorie laste and be in mynde,
And for the worship of his Mooder deere
Yet may I synge O Alma loude and cleere.

She is stumped by the first 'swanke' and later confesses to Audrey that she may not be up to the task. Audrey suggests asking retired Ken to help and bada bing ba boom, Ken's agreed to help out and David is not entirely pleased.

Glacia is DYING to see how Ken handles this situation.

The Baker's Prologue and Tale
Molly is in an ass grabbing mood as she sneaks up on Tyrone from behind. Initially, he thinks he got lucky with Emily, but is still pleased when he sees it's Molly.

Molly asks him if he'd be willing to help out at Diggory's to see her dad through this rough patch. She's taking time off from the kennel and wouuld love it if Ty could through in some help. She reminds him that it'll just be the chip truck, except this time they won't set the bakery on fire and throw it into a pond.

They approach Diggory, who initially says no because he can't afford to pay them. When they explain that they will be working for free, he accepts their help.

Meanwhile, Audrey buys a pastry from Diggory and back at Gayle's says how awful it is.

The Barmaid's Prologue and Tale
Shelly gets a call from the brewery and they want her to come in for an interview to be manageress of another pub.

She asks Betty to fill in for her and explains where she is going. She says that she just needs to get away to get some excitement in her life. Betty tells her that as she gets older she'll realize that excitment is overrated.

Shelly asks her to not tell Bev as Bev will worry too much. Betty says, 'Well, worry is what mother's are for.'

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand seque over to the crappy mom.....

'The Plumber's Prologue and Tale'
Sean asks Leanne for yet more time off to follow up on the 'Who's Your Daddy' mystery and she agrees but gives him a warning. She also wishes him good luck and says that if he can't find his dad, he's always welcomed to hers.

Sean's mom is kind of a self involved sort of mom. Back from her vacation she brings him back a bottle of cheap wine she got at the duty free. feeeeeeeeeeeeel the love.

They have tea over at Eileen's and he comes straight to the point and asks her what the story with him and his mystery dad. She tries to avoid the subject by showing vacay pics and then accusses Brian of lying about the dad thing - but Sean makes her tell the truth.

The truth is, his real dad is a plumber named Paul Jones whom she met at some community square dance or some such thing. (Why does this remind me of South Park all of a sudden?)

She tries to make out like Brian is the bad guy in all of this by having his affair, but Sean stops her with my favorite line from the episode, 'And what? You just found me under a Goosebeery bush?'

She tries to do a bit of kiss and make up, but he's all 'don't touch me!' and sends her on her way. Later, he commiserates with Violet and her sex god boyfriend Jamie.

The Carriageman's Prologue and Tale
Steve is feeling a bit happy and relieved about losing the Streetcars and is looking forward to a new life and new adventure when he had gumption. Liz and her breasts remind him that it was that gumption that ended him up in jail and in hospital.

Later, at the Rovers, he tells her he has a cunning plan. He wants to buy out Lloyd and set Eileen up as liscensee of Streetcars. He'll call in Justin and Colin to give the place a make over and et voila - a bigger better streetcars.

Eileen is not so hopeful this will work as it relies on Lloyd selling up.

The Underpants Model Prologue and Tale
Les goes into the factory to ask his daughter for some work as at the moment he has no job, no money and no sex from Cilla. To make matters worse, the dole isn't what it used to be - you actually have to show you're trying to get work!

Leanne tells him there's no work available and he's pissed that she can find Janice work, but not him. On his way out, Janice tells him that they're looking for male models for their new line of men's knickers and that he should come for a photo shoot. And oh yeah, bring an extra sock.


Debbie said...

OK, the prologue was good but do you know what was better? The old pictures telling the story of everyone's favourite Kelis song "Milkshake." That was HILARIOUS.

The first panel I actually read was "Verily, it's better than thine." So, then I went up one panel to read "And theyre like, it's better than thine."

I could hardly believe my eyes. That is going to make me laugh all day!

Where did you find that?

Jacqueline said...

I saw it kicking around livejournal a few months ago...been waiting to use it ever since.

Anonymous said...

I just love the updates on this site. You all do a fabulous job!

GoBetty said...

This entry deserves some sort of award...

Anonymous said...

Ah, Middle Englishe. Is thayre naught a fayrer forme of thyne mooder tongue?

I can't wait for Barlow to get his hands on David. He's gonna kick his litel erys!

Line of the night goes to our Sean -
"Well, I'm sure he fixed your plumbing!"

Anonymous said...

The truth is, his real dad is a plumber named Paul Jones whom she met at some community square dance or some such thing. (Why does this remind me of South Park all of a sudden?)

Whoa. Jacqueline. And his mom did look a little masculine - could we be about to find out what Eric Cartman did - that his mom is actually his dad????


Excellent Canterbury Tales references, BTW.

Michigander Fan

missusmac said...

I truly hate the Kelis song, just speaking as the mom of two teenage girls.

However, I am sure they will be singing ye old favorite Middle Ages lyrics soon. Thanks so much for the great laugh and update.

Anonymous said...

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Those images are great, Jacqueline. Did you make them? -- Working

Anonymous said...

D'uh, should have read the comments before I asked. Great update, J.! --Working

Lisa said...

You are such a clever monkey! Have you considered becoming a writer ;)