Monday, February 05, 2007

Update for Episode 6293 February 5, 2007

Steve and Claire

Steve is alone in the office of Streetcars belting out a nasty rendition of 'I Just Died in yor Arms Tonight'.* Claire stops in and interrupts his wailing, and then gives him grief about the state of the office that she just tidied up no more than an hour ago. Steve tells her a mess must be the status quo** in the office. Claire thought it was Air Supply.*** They agree to disagree about the state of cleanliness in the office. Claire asks if she can leave work early to meet Ashley for a drink. 'In the smoke filled pub?' asks Steve. Well, they can in the back if needs be - family connections you know. Steve, sentimental sop he is, lets her go.

* The song is actually from the Cutting Crew circa 1986.

** See earlier updates regarding the Battersby-Brown nuptials.

*** For those of you who might think Thunder Bay is a cultural wasteland - Air Supply performed here last week. Well, maybe we are in a bit of a cultural cul-de-sac...

Shel and Bev and Fred

Bev and Shel are leaning on the bar having a discussion about fashion, or rather the lack of fashion Shel is demonstrating by wearing her partial sweater. They discuss marriage, and if Shel will ever find a man to marry. Bev thinks she will likely wear cream or ivory to her own wedding, something like what Camilla Parker-Bowles wore on her big day. The second one that is. Fred returns from some obscure conference and is quite happy to see his beloved Beverly. Soon they are in the back room with Ashley and Claire for a cup of tea. Ashley brings up the question of the room for the baby when it comes, and Fred tells them not to worry about him moving out. He and Bev have already discussed it, they just have to choose a date for their wedding and then they will be out from underfoot.

Lloyd and Kelly

Lloyd and Kelly are having a chat in the pub. As is often the case with men, he is grovelling like there's no tomorrow. Lloyd admits that for a moment he was unsure about whether or not Kelly was guilty of stealing, but thinks that this is the same as Kelly thinking that he had tried it on with Becky - which was also false. When they meet up later they realize that they don't entirely trust each other, but seem willing to forgive and forget and get on with things as they were before. Jo stops in and sits with Lloyd and Kelly and tells them that Becky has gone for a runner, no one has heard from her or knows where she is. Lloyd doesn't want to hear her name mentioned again but Kelly is worried because without Becky there might be no way to clear her name.

The Websters and Craig

Kev finally gets around to telling Sal that he has invited Craig for tea that evening. She says that will be fine, as long as Kev does the cooking. Craig shows up with flowers for Sal and a bottle of wine for them to share over dinner. Sal is a little put out by this display of normalcy, and tells Craig they don't usually have wine with their dinner. Kev jumps in and says that wine will be fine, since it is a bit of a special occasion and all. During dinner Sal refers to Craig as Rosie's 'fella'. Daughter dearest tells her mom that Craig is her 'partner'. Even Craig thinks this sounds a bit poncey, but Rosie tells her dinner companions that they have been together longer than many other denizens of the street, so why not call Craig her partner? Sophie, as is her wont, has to stir things up a bit and asks Craig about his lack of make-up, and wonders why Kev is being so kind towards him, especially since he was referring to Craig as a gender bending fruit bar just the other day.

Later in the doorway Rosie complains to Craig about how her family are doing her head in. He calls her a drama queen. Jason and Sarah flit by at that moment and Rosie wonders if her and Craig will ever be as happy as those two. Maybe if they got a frontal lobotomy.

Norris and Helen and Rita

Norris is having tea with Helen, his latest on-line connection. Rita is still hiding in the closet. Helen wants Norris to tell her more his mininalist feng shooey approach to decorating, and what it is like working with his 'employee' Rita, who of course can hear all this from the closet. Helen asks Norris if he would like to go to London for a weekend to see a stage production of Mary Poppins - the Gazette puts on tours that include a fine dinner and a night at three star hotel. Norris, a put off by this, says he would rather not ruin his memories of the movie version. Helen asks if he would prefer to go and see The Lion King instead. Norris tells Helen that she is out of order and chucks her out. As Helen gets her coat, they discover Rita hiding in the closet. Helen tells Norris that he is out of order as well, and wonders how many women he has hidden around the flat. Norris shows Rita the door as well. In spite of her protestations of innocence, Noris feels humiliated and won't to listen to what Rita has to say.

Later Rita and Norris bump into each other on the street and agree to go for a drink and patch things up. Norris refuses to be drawn into a conversation about what happened with Helen. After a bit of chat he admits that he gets the collywobbles from the whole dating scene.He has tried marriage twice before and that hasn't worked for him, so why try again? Norris just wants someone to share the silence with, a little friendship and routine between like minded individuals. Something like what he has with Emily, but he makes Rita swear that she will not tell Emily what he just told her.

The Platts and Jason

Gail is waiting anxiously by the window for the police to arrive. Constables Dumb and Dumber show up and realize they are back at the house of that 'crank'. Blanche, observes that The Merry Widow* is getting some attention again. Once inside the constables tell the Platts that they are taking the matter seriously, since it appears there has been a break-in with the last card. They agree to take the card and test the blood on it. (test it against what? don't they watch CSI?) Gail tells them that she thinks it was Phil Nail who has been sending the cards, and the whole sordid saga of Stinky McTavish is told once again. The police tell Gail that she might want to get her locks changed as a precaution.

After the coppers have left Gail pulls out the phone book to look for a locksmith. Audrey tells her not to be daft. (as if) Gail has a builder as a future son-in-law, he can change the locks for her. Jason comes over straight away and does his good deed for the day, new locks all round. Jason then volunteers to get some take-away for the whole clan. Somewhere in here Gail gets a phone call from the police telling her that Phil is not to be found in Aberdeen. When Sarah and Jason return with the food he tells David to be careful, it's still quite hot. David tries to grab some of his food, but quickly pulls his hand away in pain. Gail tells her son that he was warned, it was still too hot. David replies that it wasn't the heat that caused him pain, it was the salt on his paper cut that hurt.

His paper cut.

Gail gets a bit wobbly at this point and hears some disconnected voices in her head as everything falls into place for her.

* This might be an obscure reference to the opera by Lehar, but what it might mean is beyond me. Please note the earlier cultural wasteland note.


Anonymous said...

Can somebody tell me why Jason had to take the back door off the hinges to change the lock?? :)


Anonymous said...

And another thing I thought odd, Claire is 5 months pregnant and reports not having felt a kick yet.


pip said...

Okay, so maybe it isn't Phil. I somehow missed the bit about him leaving Weatherfield and returning to his native land. Heavens, if it is David do we really have another 4 or more episodes to go before the whole sordid thing is resolved?

Since when are builders also locksmiths anyway?

Is there trouble on the horizon for Craig and Rosie?? And how does Sophie get away with being such a horrible little brat? Where's supernanny when you need her? Get her on that time-out stair and take away her tokens!

Ang said...

Thanks for todays writeup!!!!!! I totally missed the show tonight. Now I don't have to worry about it :) great recap.

Paper cut eh???? Is our mystery almost solved?

Like others I have have heard the spoilers and know what happens. I couldn't help myself!

Anonymous said...

And once again, the same cops are dispatched to Coronation Street. It was either that or traffic circulation.

I was beginning to think if David had said he had a paper cut, writer's cramp, and was broke on account of all the stamps he'd been buying, Gail still wouldn't get it.

Jason took the door of the hinges because he's a shit builder.

Claire hasn't felt the kick because you barely notice when smurfs are moving around.

I think Craig and Rosie are growing apart. He's becoming more serious and she, less so.

Sophie and Blanche need to spend time together so they can snark on everyone on the street.

missusmac said...

Yes, the Sophie and Blanche show! What a hoot!!

Craig and Rosie, I think, are on the way out. The minute her parents start liking you, you're gone mister...

Smurfs are not like other babies, they are very, very quiet.

When will Rita ever learn she is Norris' employee, not the other way around? Jeeesh!

Anonymous said...

You know, what I really didn't get about the whole "card left on the dining room table" thing is: David was in the house the whole time - that puts him on the spot. He would be the most obvious suspect at that point, in my book. (Of course, he has always been my suspect). The coppers cracked me up - they are all "oh great, it's the looney tune" outside, and then when they get in, they get all serious about it.

I also think Rosie and Craig are not going to end up together. (but their wondering if they would ever have it together like Sharah and Jayshun cracked me right up!) Missus is right - she was dating him to freak out her parents. Now that he is conforming to The Man, she's going to drop him.

And, um, about Norris... what exactly was that all about? I mean, I thought he was going to call Helen a wolf and slap her. Does he... play for the other team? Because then the whole internet dating thing doesn't fit anymore?!?! That really confused me.

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...

Where are the children, the Platts were all gathered round eating fish and chips and no Bethany.

And we have Claire lying on the sofa in the Rovers(??) after leaving Joshua all day. And Ashley telling Fred he needs to move (I thought it was Freds house(???), where was Joshua? I wonder about the parenting skills of the people of the street.

Stickybee said...

The best part was the look Kev gave Sally when she says "it's not what you look like, it's what you do that matters" absolutely wonderful

GoBetty said...

If only Becky would direct her psycho-aggro towards Gail.

Jacqueline said...

Betty, take that Maya/Becky idea over to the Corrie fan fiction of literotica and run with it!

Dear readers,

#1 - Yup, there's a Corrie section in literotica.

#2 - You probably don't want to go there.

#3 - You probably will anyway, like I did.

#4 - You'll realize that I drink now to forget.

Jacqueline said...

Okay, I just realzied that Betty made the Maya/Becky jail sex to another posting.

Now I just look like some perv who's been waiting to tell you about corrie literotica.

But I point my finger at Betty.


Anonymous said...

Now I finally have a place for my Dev/Vera slash fiction.

Debbie said...

So, do you think the police will take that card straight to the CSI lab to get that blood tested? Probably not. How much did you love the echoing voices of the family and the psycho camera work around Gail? I laughed out loud. Laughing at her was a welcome change from calling her a moron.

OK, there has been a lot of talk about Rosie and Craig. They are only 16 so they will probably break up at some point, but not in the near future. I know nothing will make Sally happier then she can have Rosie all to her self.

I love Sophie. She is exactly what a lot of kids would turn into if they had Sally for a mother and Rosie for a sister.

This is my 15 year prediction. Rosie will not be the success Sally wants and Sally will be devastated. She may even end up working at the bookies or in the medical centre once Gail is sent to the funny farm. Sophie, however, will not go to university but will start her own business (or step into the business side of the garage) and be exceedingly successful. Then, to spite her mother, will buy the Rovers and become landlady. She will also marry Ken Barlow’s son Daniel and Chezney will be her Millhouse. She will run into some problems when she has a sordid affair with David Platt. He will blackmail her, or at least try, but Sophie will outsmart him and say that due to his reputation as a baddie, she will claim that he is a liar and everyone will believe her. However, when she discovers that she is pregnant with David’s child her whole world may come tumbling down. However, as David and Daniel look very similar, she could be in the clear.

OK, now I'm just talking.

(London) Rob said...

Ok so Jacqueline, you could have provided the link to "literotica" (to save precious time)...never mind I found it anyway...but where's the Corrie section?

...and how many hours of browsing did it take you to find it?

Jacqueline said...

Go to literotica, choose 'stories and pics', then under 'Erotic Stories', choose 'Celeberities'.

There you can select the letter 'c' up at the top 'Jump to' section.

You'll go to the corrie stories.

Seriously...go at your own risk.

I was told about it by a friend and havent' stopped drinking.

Jacqueline said...

Worse than the toplss gayle pics.

Debbie said...

HA! I just read "Sally Plans an Orgy" It is way too funny to actually be sexy.

GoBetty said...

I shall go to literotica from home... it is blocked at work. :-( Becky + Maya + Jail + Caged Woman Sex + Frankie + Best Lesbian Action Evah!

Anonymous said...

Well, Frankie did play for the other team when she was on 'Bad Girls.'

Mmmm...Bad Girls. Like 'The L-Word' but in jail.

Jackie said...

Ok, prehaps I am the only person who didn't think it was David until last night. What can I say, I'm a little slow! I was still holding out hope for it to be Dr. Phil.

CM said...

was i the only one in hysterics at seeing steve singing/screaming into the dispatch mic the way he did?



Rob Swizzle said...

Remember a few years back when the Rovers had a karaoke night and Norris did a song in drag (Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend, I think). I thought he was finally being let out of the closet, but it was never followed up.

My other theory is that fickle, irritable, fastidious Norris Cole is actually a shape-shifting housecat.

p.s. Debbie's Sophie storylines were so excellent!

(London) Rob said...

well I found the Corrie stories on "literotica", but got out of there - too many spoilers... I was starting to get the 'collywobbles'

kowy said...

OH MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd wash them out with soap but I don't think that would be enough.

Jacqueline, you're evil...pure evil.

Funny, but evil.

And yes, I was so incredibly happy when Gail had her moment last night (complete with wonky camera angles and beating heart)...cuz FINALLY this stupid story line might be over soon. I even cheered.

Anonymous said...

Rob Swizzle,

OK, so I'm not the only one who was questioning his orientation. I feel a little bit better now. I was sure that the whole internet dating thing and his secretiveness was to do with the dates being men, but then we see Helen and that blew that theory. So then I thought I was just generalizing way too much (except that especially on a soap, characters are almost always caricatures) and then Helen suggested a night together and I thought he was going to scream "rape"...

So I'm back to being confused.

Michigander Fan

Anonymous said...

Re: Norris' orientation. Gay? English? I can never tell the difference.

Anonymous said...


Shame, shame! Just because they put together dazzling ensembles with red coats, brass buttons and furry hats doesn't mean they are all gay! I mean, I know a gay guy who has NO fashion sense at all.

But Norris...well, he throws my gaydar off.

I just saw Blackadder Back and Forth this weekend (don't tell my captors that I didn't watch the Superbowl), and they made a big deal about the French being poofy. So I guess it's all perspective.

But you did make me laugh.

Michigander Fan

papasmurf said...

Well the fench are poofy.

They are also cheese eating surrender monkeys.

Anonymous said...


Hahahaha. Have you ever seen "American Dad"? I knew it was going to be a great show the first time I saw it, when the wife asked her husband (uber-Republican CIA agent Stan Smith) how his Franch toast was, and he replied, "Smelly and ungrateful. But my American toast is delicious!"

Michigander Fan