Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Fairy Tale Update


Cinderella Goth
Once upon a time there was a beautiful goth princess named Rosie who was enchanted with a handsome goth prince named Craig. So taken with Craig that she invited him to take her to her high school prom. As required of a goth, our princess had to adjust the dress that her wicked mother Queen Sally bought her for the event with a little snipping adn 'gothing' up.

When Rosie came floating down the stairs in her Doc Martens Queen Sally screeched and swore that she would not allow Rosie to leave the Castle de Webster. Even worse was the fact that Prince Craig came to the palace looking like an escape member of 'Dead or Alive'.

Finally, to her rescue Rosie's classmate, the beautiful yet quietly dressed Imogene arrived to collect the Prince and Princess. She exclaimed that they looked fabulous and that the art teacher who was throwing the ball would be very happy as he encourages his students to be more expressive.

Bibity, Bobity, Boo - Princess Rosie is transformed from embarrassment to the family to a creative suuuuuuuuuuuper genius! Queen Sally sends the children on their way happy in the knowledge that her daughter is 'better'.

The Lonely Butcher
A long time again in a kingdom called, 'Weatherfield' there was a lonely butcher called Fred. One morning after a magical ball, he was seen leaving the house of a impetuous barmaid named Bev.

A young peasant girl named Violet saw the two kiss although she couldn't remember if it was on the cheek or the lips. Wise lady Betty cautioned, 'Passion weak on the cheek, marriage job on the gob.'

This caused quite a stir in the kingdom and gossip ran rampant that Fred may propose to Bev. Wise lady Betty further predicts, 'Marriage by Easter, divorce by next Christmas.'

Bev's beautiful daughter became fearful that Fred would be her new stepfather and began her investigation. She was assured by Bev that Fred only stayed the night because he forgot his keys and didn't want to wake up his family. He spent the night on the couch as any respectable butcher would do.

The Tale of the Forgetful Clothing Magnate
Once upon a time there was a very, very forgetful man named Mike. One day Mike was out with his lady friend, Penny (who was becoming concerned about Mike's forgetfulness) at his local pub. While he was there he ran into one of his workers, Haley.

'Forsooth ye maiden, where have you been?' asked Mike.

'What do you mean, Sire?' asked the young lady

'Why haven't you been at work?'

'Aye sire, for thou doth fire me naught yesterday.'

'Oh what nonsense? Why would I fire my best employee?'

So with that the young lady assumed her chair and sewing machine happy that she once again had work, but angry at her friends who refused to strike to save her job.

The Brothers Grimm - I Mean Baldwin
Come ye and hear the tale of the Brothers Baldwin - a morality tale for the 80's.

Danny and Adam once again come to shouts on the factory floor until their father Mike breaks it up. Danny leaves in a huff, but young Adam is called into the office by Mike. He tells Adam that the fighting on the floor is unacceptable and this angers Adam who feels that Mike is taking Danny's side. He threatens to leave for Scotland until his father tells him that he is only giving him advice so that he can step up to the throne and title of 'King of Underworlds' when Mike is no longer around. Adam is well pleased with this.

More good news happens when Danny arrives back at the factory to tell all that the missing money was actually a bank error and that all is well again financially. Cheers go all around and the Brothers Baldwin shake hands in reconciliation.

Later, however, our fairy tale takes on a Shakespearean feel as Danny confides to Lady MacBeth - I mean Leanne - that the handshake was all an act and that he will destroy both Mike and Adam before they can take anything from him. Lady MacBeth, I mean Leanne, cackles at this news.

Elsewhere in the Kingdom
Floyd the Knave has applied and received his bank loan.

Carol, the disposed Queen, confesses to Frankie that the money she had was an advance from Tony and that she was going to use it to buy Jamie a gift. Touched by her story, Frankie tells her not to worry about the rent and that she'll help her get a good gift for Jamie.


GoBetty said...

Awesome fairy tale. :-)

Rob said...

So, this Christmas prezzie for Jason...?

...are we talking about a nice shirt, a couple of pairs of briefs (at ease Johnnie)...or a new Mini Cooper?

That's quite the wad of bills that Carol's got...

I suppose a bookie might hand out cash rolled in a rubber band...Carol works at the bookie's right?

Pamer said...

Another flagon of Mead and a hearty huzzah for fair Maid Jacqueline!

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

papasmurf said...

What an update indeed. The bar has been set quite high for the poor chump who gets to write the update for tonight.

Jacqueline said...


John said...

What was up with Danny's "I will destroy them both!" speech? When did he turn into Stefano from Days of Our Lives?

missusmac said...

Oh I loved over-the-top Stefano!

I'm with Rob, what could this present possibly be?

And what's wrong with Frankie's head? She's poor, Carol's got money, sounds like the rent is calling...

I think most of these folks get paid in cash. The factory workers do for sure.

Working From Home Today said...

Excellent post!

mare said...

this post was most humorous indeed.

i am going to be a nerdy medieval history teacher and say that nave is actually part of a church, knave is a person.

and carol is up to something, i know not what.

Jacqueline said...

I knew I was entering dangerous territory....;-)

Knave has been corrected to the knice way.