Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Update - Status Whoa!
The society reception of the year takes place as invited guests make their way to the Battersby shing ding.
Everyone is incredibly gracious and remain so until they get into the hall to find only a few crumbs left for their dining pleasure. Blanche is convinced that there never was any food, that Les just put out a few crumbs to make everyone beleive that they had missed the spread.
It turns out that the Quo got a bit hungry whilst everyone was off at the wedding. Les comes to the rescue with a 20 pound note which I think in England will buy - what - a bag of BBQ Walker's Crisps?
Hair Today, Gone To Norway
The Quo have a hair emergency and won't go on stage until they get a proper stylist to do their 'do's'. The Quo manager approaches Audrey, who refuses on the grounds that she's in her finery.
Candice, however, smells celebritiy-ness somewhere in the air (even though she has no idea who Status Quo are - kind of like me.) and jumps at the chance of doing their hair.
The Quo are so impressed that they offer her a permanent gig with them touring around and doing the neccessary comb-overs. Candice happily accepts, even though Audrey thinks it's a bad idea because they'll be going to 'Denmark, Sweden and Norway'.
Glacia from Norge Thingy can't see the problem with this. It's Scandanavia for goodness sake. It's all gorgeous and vodka-y there.
So the DJ they hired for the reception comes in full Count Dracula regalia, because in his book is written 'Halloween'. Les points out that that's the standard printing of the calendar and that this is a wedding - that happens to be held on Oct. 31st.
But now the reception has a lovely spooooooooooooooky feel to it, including that all time favorite song, 'Monster Mash'.
Did I Ever Tell You, You're My Jason?
Violet tells Shel about the advice Charlie gave her earlier and Shel agrees with him, that Violet and Jason were made for each other and that she should go to the reception and claim her man.
Well, maybe Jason is made for a few ladies, because by the time Violet gets there, he is finishing snogging Sarah in the corner and the two are soon off to his place for a roll in the hay before Violet can see them.
What about Scooter, Sarah? WHAT about Scooter?
Once, Twice, Three Times a Battersby
The reception really gets underway with Guillame, I mean Billy, starting to make a toast to the groom - but handing over to the 'real' bestman, Kirkah, who compares Les to a faithful dog and starts crying.
Les then takes the floor to make a toast to his 'third and hopefully last wife' and begins to sing a loving ballad for her. Cilla, meanwhile, just leaves the hall to go check out the presents they recieved. Billy meets her back there and gives her his present, a trip to Spain.
Cilla comes back to the reception and explains to an upset Les that she had to leave the room as she was 'overcome' with emotion during his speech. They then traipse off to cut the cake - which of course WAS a display cake made out of cardboard. (At this point, Blanche's blood sugar level is so low that she becomes 'snarky'.)
The Quo is ready to go on but before they go on, Les is called back to take care of some old slag that is hassling them. That old slag would of course be, Yana.
Les rids the Quo of said slag but is dissappointed that the boys aren't all wild and crazy anymore. Neck braced Les tells Neck braced Quo members that he will keep the wild fire burning and show them how to properly 'rock' AND 'roll'.
To demonstrate, he shows them how to properly trash a dressing room and he proceeds to smash everything around him such as the coffee pot, bathtowels, microwave, set of corningware dishes, teflon pots, his and her wine glasses - you know, the usual stuff that bands keep in their dressing rooms. Just as he chucks the brand new telelvision set out the window, Cilla comes in and asks why he's destroying their wedding gifts.
'How was I to know these were our gifts? They're too nice for us.'
Cilla screams that the only reason she married him was for the gifts and now calls their marriage - I love this - ' A burning pit of agony.'
The Quo feel bad for Les at this point, knowing who he's just married and decide to do a full set for the party, not just the contracted 4 songs.
So we end the show with Wolfman Jack thinking he's introducing a tribute band with some copywrite issues - and the band plays on.