Monday, July 24, 2006

Update - July 24th - Remember, remember the fifth of November

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

It's Guy Fawkes night on Coronation Street and that means bonfires. Unlike Canada, with our Canada Day, and the USA, with their 4th 0f July, or the French with their Bastille Day, Britain has no real national holiday. Instead they take a historical character convicted of trying to blow up Parliament 400 years ago and burn him in effigy. Because he was Roman Catholic disloyal.

So Long and Thanks for All The Fish

In any case, we open at the Platts where Gail is telling Sarah-Lou that something needs to be done about Scooter. Sarah says she will talk to him. Later, Scooter returns with a present for Sarah-Lou: a mounted halibut. He thinks she'd love it. Sarah tells him she hates it and hates every having to do with fish. Scooter doesn't think he can be with someone who doesn't like fish.

Later Gail and Bethany come home to find Scooter ready to walk out with his bags packed. He tells Gail it was nice knowing her and tells Bethany to take care of the fish. He hugs her goodbye and walks out.

Bye Scooter, I'm sorry the writers didn't make you more interesting.

L - I - V! E - R - P! DOUBLE O - L! LIVERPOOL FC!*

(*sung to the tune of 'Jesus Christ, Superstar')

David and Martin are discussing the evening's bonfire as they enter the Platt house. Gail gives Martin a look that suggests he hasn't yet told David that he's moving to Liverpool with Robyn. Gail later tells Martin he'd better tell David soon.

As David builds a bonfire, Martin finally locates his testes and tells David of his plan to move to Liverpool with Robyn. But, he adds, there's a spare bedroom if David wants to visit. David asks if he means permanantly but Martin says they'll talk about it.

Later, as the bonfire is in full swing, the fireworks are going off, and everyone's a bit loaded, Martin tells Craig that even though he's moving to Liverpool, he'll never forget Katy. Craig tells him that what he did will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Robyn meanwhile tries to make small talk with David but to no avail.

Gail tries to have a talk with David but he tells her that he hates her and that Martin said he could move to Liverpool with him. Martin denies this when Gail confronts him but he counters that he was trying to spare David's feelings. They get into a big screaming match and Martin says some mean things to Gail as Robyn stands there looking mortified. There's your signal, Robyn: run!

Like a Fox, With the Runs

Lister is in the taxi office, still recovering from the pain inflicted on his bowels by Kelly's laxative trick. Kelly comes by with a box of chocolates, which Lister rejects and Eileen quickly snaps up (I love Eileen). Lister isn't feeling so forgiving.

Later in the Rovers, Kelly asks Fiz what she should do, as Lister is about to dump her. Fiz says, great, good riddance to the two-timer. But Kelly doesn't want him to leave. Fiz says a case of "the squits" (which the missus translated from Northern to English as "the runs") won't kill a guy (it will) and she should have some self-respect and go and dump him. And off she trots.

Kelly jumps into Lloyd's cab as he tries to drive Emily somewhere. She accuses him of cheating. He gives her a story about how that woman she saw him with had a lot of money that he needed to buy his share of Streetcars and he didn't enjoy it but her husband will kill because it's really his money and yadda, yadda yadda. She doesn't buy it and dumps him. Emily takes the bus, instead.

'Nice beaver.' 'Thanks, I just had it stuffed.'

Keith, drunk on nettle wine, tells Audrey her expensive mink hat is really rabbit fur and that she got ripped off. Rosie, meanwhile, is in full self-righteous teenage mode saying that fireworks should be banned because they terify animals although Craig points out that Porky and Bess were moved inside. She also spies Audrey's rabbit hat and throws it upon the fire, causing Sophie to start chanting, 'Kill the hat!'

Also, trained taxidermist Keith doesn't think much of Scooter's halibut. I like drunk Keith.

Doggy style

Molly comes into the Rover's, dressed to thrill and apparently set Homer Simpson's make-up rifle to 'Whore.' She gets Kirk to personally help her try out some new dog biscuits, by eating them himself and giving her a review. Fiz, trying to help Kelly dump her loser boyfriend, thinks she's about to lose her own guy.

Gangster's Paradise

Someone has thrown a brick through the windshield of one of the taxis. Moley tells Steve that Jimmy has begun his war.


papasmurf said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jacqueline said...

See, I called him Guy Fox, because I am 'disloyal' and wanted to blame another Guy.


papasmurf said...

What does a good socialist call the squits?

The Trotskys.

GoBetty said...

I thought she said "squirts" in her heavy accent. Another great wrap up! Arrivederci Scootah! And as for what David said, I agree! I hate Gail too!

Pamer said...

Now with Scootah gone, we get crazy, stalker Sarah Lou???

I gotta find a recipe for Nettle wine (the secret ingredient is dog piss)

missusmac said...

I was pretty sure it was squirts too. Ewwwww!

Yes, the Platts are awful. And so are the Websters. Precocious, huh Sally? Is that what we're calling rotten kids these days?

Scooter had potential, but he left me high and dry with the koi plot line.

Jacqueline said...

Are Rosie and Sophie on drugs?

papasmurf said...

I think 'Fawkes' is the older english spelling of 'Fox' - no doubt taken from the German 'Fuchs'

Anonymous said...

I loved it when Rosie threw in that tatty hat in the fire...But I think it is sad that a custom like that is celebrated in England...I think it is anti-Catholic and archaic!

Rob said...

John, in case you sweated for hours over your keyboard on that subhead "Like a fox, with the runs"...and nobody has even mentioned it...I for one loved it - I'll never be able to hear that old bluegrass standard again without your new lyrics - brilliant, son!