Sunday, June 18, 2006
Updatey, me Mateys
Best Line of the Show Goes to.....Blanche Hunt!
The omnibus opened with Charlie and Shel at the alter; he's asking her if she's kidding about the whole 'No.' bit. Shel begins a tirade about how he's just a horrible person who's ruined her life, etc., etc. Then she goes barreling out of the church with Charlie in close pursuit, pushing a confetti throwing Bev out of the way.
Blanche turns to Deidre, 'Do you think they write their own vows?'
All hail, Blanche.
Shel gets into the limo, Charlie gets into the driver seat and basically kidnaps her. They end up in some remote place where it all comes down Shel telling Charlie that he's an ass and Charlie acts indignant. Finally, she's had enough and gets out of the car and stomps around Weatherfield in full regalia. (Reminded me of Rhoda Morgenstern hailing a cab in NYC on her wedding day.)
Shel calls Zack (who doesn't seem to have a life outside of being on 24 hour call for his patients) from a public phone booth to tell him what happened and to book another appoint. In the background is a bobby calling into HQ to report grievous display of bridal wear in a public domain.
The rest of the Charlie/Shel saga is that Shel goes back to the Rovers and has the 'Almost Married for the 2nd Time' wedding reception with all her mates. She and Bev make up and Bev is asked to move back into the Rovers, which she gladly accepts.
Meanwhile, Charlie, reduced to wearing t-shirts that say 'Monkey Business', talks to Jason and says something about his mom leaving his dad. (Did I get that right? I was in the kitchen mixing Mojito's - so I may have heard that wrong.) So he does a whole spiel about how women can't be trusted, but he's gonna win back Shel anyway.
He goes back to the Rovers and says, 'Right Shel, I'll move in back here, all is forgiven and we'll just pretend this whole being dumped at the alter thing never happened.'
Shel says, 'No.'
Bev says, 'Shel, you finally did it!'
Mr. Glacia calls over from the mini bar, 'That only took forever.'.
Weatherfield, Where Revenge is Status Quo
In order to get back at Les for blabbing about the undressed Mrs. Webster, Chesney fixes Les and Cilla's invite to the wedding to say 4 pm, not 1pm. As he sits with Sophie at the Battersby estate, she tells him all about Shel dumping Charlie.
Meanwhile a bewildered Les and Cilla sit in an empty church wondering where everyone is. At last they make it back home, where Chesney tells them they had the wrong time. He suggests that they go over to the Rovers and make like they were at the ceremony all along.
They rush over there and try this scheme out and gush about how lovely the service was and congratulate Bev on gaining a son-in-law. Everyone tells them to belt up.
So, this comes to the audio visual portion of the update. I figure it's always good to provide the real scene when available. Ladies and gentlemen, I present for your viewing enjoyment, a presentation of 'Les's Lament' - an play in one act.
The next bit is Les and Cilla scheming to sue the Quo for bodily harm. They can't find a lawyer who will take their case and all seems lost until Kir-keh shows them the pictures he took of the attack.
Les is ready to abandon his love for the world's greatest rock and roll band until Jack points out that it was Les who injured Francis Whatsit 20 years ago by pulling him off stage by his 'wrist thong'. (Glacia sings the wrist thong song.)
The Quo are once again gods in Mr. Battersby's eyes and he no longer wants sue them. He reminisces how they got him through his first true love, 'Jacqueline Wilson'. Through all the trials and tribulations of being the magic that is Les Battersby, Status Quo have always been there to offer the perfect words to sooth his troubled mind.
Then Cilla threatens to leave him if he doesn't go through with the lawsuit, so it's back on.
Clash of the Titans
Martin and the other football mascot have it out on the field during a game. I really didn't pay too much attention to this, I have to say. Later, however, as Martin is walking around Coronation street in costume, the Fox mascot shows up for what looks to be a showdown and sundown.
That is until the Fox takes over its head to reveal a comely young lass underneath. She came around to just patch things up with him.
For the record, I absolutely HATE Gayle drama and can understand perfectly why Richard tried to drown her.
Phil comes around to interview her about the Hillman episode and she starts to, prepare yourself, cry and get hysterical. Lots of old school Gayle blubbering ensues as she tells him all about Richard. At the end of it she feel renewed and gets the best sleep of her life. She also manages to convince Sarah Louise to talk to Phil at a later date.
Meanwhile, Eileen starts to write off any hopes she had of scoring Phil the Foot Guy, until Sean pays him a visit. It turns out that Phil is interested in Eileen and not Gayle; he only wants to interview her for his research. Eileen and Phil arrange a date and it's too bad for you Mrs. Tisley-Platt-Hillman.
Liz quits the Manchester Arms after her manager starts giving her a hard time and has ended up with a job at Diggory's. As one might suspect, he's trying to have it on with her, which she manages to laugh off.
Finally, Steve comes in after seeing Diggory with his hands on the tart (get it?? haha) and reminds him that 'My old man is in prison.' along with giving him a menacing look. Liz tells him to butt out, however, later she reads the riot act to Diggory-Do, too.
What the Waiter Saw
Leanne and Danny had made arrangements to go out, but these all fell apart when Frankie waltzes up to them to remind Danny that they had made dinner arrangements - to celebrate his dead dad's birthday. (Am I the only one who's all WTF? about this?)
Because nothing says 'Whore' more than money, Danny slips Leanne a hundred pounds to make up for the fact that he's had to skip their date. A wise Leanne decides to spend the money on a dinner for her and Janice at the same restaurant that Danny and Frankie are going to.
As they sit down, the waiter says something to the effect of, 'Nice to see you again, Ms. Leanne.'
Janice wonders why the waiter knows her name and Leanne make some lame excuses, but Janice can tell something's up. Finally, Leanne tells her that she's having an affair, but won't mention who with. Janice spends the next day needling her, but Leanne won't budge.
Later that evening Danny is at Leanne's place snoggying on the couch when who should walk through the door but Janice. (Du-du-duuuuuuuuuuuuu).
Now, I've never contemplated being an adulteress as Mr. Glacia mixes a mean cocktail and I just can't afford to risk losing that kind of love. HOWEVER, if I were to stray I think the big maxim I'd keep in the back of my mind is, 'Don't' sh*t where you eat.'
#1 - Don't take your mistress to the same g.d. restaurant you keep taking your wife to. (You may have to start paying the waiters to keep their traps shut.)
#2 - Don't rendez-vous with your mistress in the same flat that she shares with one of your employees. (See blackmail risk above.)
Finally, did anyone catch what Fred wrote down on the piece of paper that Betty gave to Jack?
Also, someone in the show mentioned the millions of people in Manchester. That sounded a bit high for me, so the geek in me had to do some research.
From the Wikipedia entry on Manchester:
The city has a population of 437,000, whilst the wider conurbation, known as the Greater Manchester Urban Area, has a population of 2,240,230.