Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Have Drink, Must Write Update

Okay lovelies, got a bottle of Riesling, so I am set to write the Corrie Update of the week.

I'd Like This Character Back By Friday .....
Martin announces that he has a surprise for the family...and to make a long story short the surprise is that he has taken over the job duties of his friend who is laid up in the hospital. Those duties? He gets to flap around the street in a gigantic chicken outfit as 'Bernard - The Weatherfield County Mascot'.

The kids, as I, are absolutely mortified.

Oh Martin, Martin, Martin.....It would seem that the writers for Corrie HATE you. I mean, seriously, hate you and like a gang of school yard bullies they will torment you to the ends of Weatherfield.

We've seen this before, you know. Remember Don Brennan? Started off as cheerful 2nd husband to Ivy? The sane to Ivy's crazy? But how did he end up? A very, very annoying maniac. If fact, did I hear correctly on Classic Corrie today when he ponders how he will charge Ashley (his then lodger) for the energy he consumes boiling a pot of tea?

I think it's only proper to put a name to this virus that destroys so many Corrie characters. Next time we see a previously normal likeable character be turned into some kind of freak, we can just take a sip of tea and say, 'Tsk, tsk. Oh dear, looks like he got Martinized.'

Red Rum, Red Rum....er Red Rec, Red Rec
Claire seems to be s.o.l. with volunteers to clean up the play area at Red Rec. Everyone except Emily and Ashley have refused to give a helping hand. That is until the gardener (aka Andrew) shows up at the pub and the gaggle of factory workers all decide that it might just be worth their while anyway.

Come the day of the clean up, it begins to look like only Claire, Emily, Sophie, Chesney, David and Ashley have turned up. Even Andrew is AWOL. But after a bit, the girls (Janice, Fizz, Twins, etc) all show up in their finery to flirt - er - work for Andrew.

When it's discovered that Andy is not there, Janice starts a mutiny and refuses to work, less her hair gets messed up. She gets quite nasty with Claire, who, as we've seen before can throw it right back and a mud fight ensue. Emily reads the riot act and everyone starts to get to work.

At that point, the not-so-constant gardener shows up and we find out why he was missing. Turns out Randy Andy spent the night with Sean. Ooooooooo, cheeky monkey.

In the end the Red Wreck is back to Red Rec and everyone has a cheery pint at the Rovers afters. (BTW - Sean was looking good a little messed up at the pub.)

Norris Cole on Aging
Kevin has his big 4-0 this week and when Norris catches wind he says, 'I dreaded turning 40. I thought it was the beginning of the end. And I was right.'

Glacia, aged 39 and 8/12ths, drops her tea at this point to free both hands in order to flip Norris the entire flock.

Tyrone, event planner extraordinaire, has managed to reserve a table at the Rovers and make sure all the A-list pensioners attend Kevin's big do. Nathan is more than pissed, but the lads settle in for a night of drinking and, well, drinking.

Sally surprises Kevin with a set of cufflinks that will come in handy during his weekly meetings with Prince Phillip. In addition, she gives him a kiss and then goes home.

Seriously, Kevin...HAVE an affair.

Carrie On Rosie
The birthday festivities are such that Nathan ends up staying on the Webster's couch and the next morning Rosie goes into the living room to find, 'Whoops! Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't know you were changing!'

Because he didn't make it home that night, his girlfriend and landlord, Farah, shows up on the street to tell Nathan that they are through and that she is kicking his sorry cheatin' ass out the door.

Kevin lets Nathan couch surf at their place for a few days which offer up many more opportunities for Rosie to, 'Whoops! Oh dear! Sorry, I just needed to get my....wait...is that a tattoo of the Wreck of the Hesperus on your .....'

Yes, Rosie has fallen head over heels in crush with Nathan and spends a great deal of time looking doe-eyed at Weatherfield's pinup boy. This, of course, comes all crashing down upon her when she sees him give Tracey a big smooch on the street.

She's heartbroken and Sal has to jump in and do this weird thing called 'parenting'. She lets Rosie know that it's perfectly normal to have a crush and that even if Nathan is going out with Tracey, Craig is awfully sweet on Rosie.


Lisa said...

Yes but can the writers do one hour 'Martinizing' http://www.onehourmartinizing.net/

Pamer said...

I liked when Violet was talking about her corset.......corr blimey

John said...

Yeah, when will WE see Violet in her corset? 'Cause you know who wears corsets these days? Women in period dramas, drag queens, and hot chicks who go to fetish bars. I'm guessing Violet is the latter.

Well, in my mucky mind, anyway.

GoBetty said...

What happened to Shawn's thing with that vet dude?

Pamer said...

'member Shawn was out with the vet at the Clock and the vet's boyfriend walked in and confronted them...it was so over then