Friday, April 21, 2006
Weatherfield's Gone Chav - Update 20APR06
Filling in for the vacationing Jacqueline, who's wallpapering her house in Burberry as we speak, I have agreed to handle last night's update.
All Creatures Great and Shrivelly
Kirk is excited about seeing Jimmy Savile while on walkies with the dogs. Fiz is exhausted and tells him she doesn't want to see him feeding the newly born puppies, opting instead for sleep. Kirk comes in later to tell her the puppies' mother has rejected them and he needs to keep them warm or they'll die. He's in tears. Fiz wakes up and takes two of the little shrivelly things to the sweet, healing, and nurturing warmth of her big boobs.
Viv heads back to London. Mike and Danny later have a heart to heart about their relationsuhip, in as much as two Englishmen can have a "heart to heart." Mike refrains from spilling the beans about their true relationship but hugs Danny and warns him not to tell anyone. Danny later pulls out his dad's scarf and start weeping a little.
More Weatherfield Women Who Walk Into Doors
Claire's got a shiner from her fight with Maddog's girlfriend. Ashley teases her, saying next she'll be on street corners, dripping in sovereign rings, shouting abuse at the police, and flicking cigarette ashes on Joshua.
Who, oh Who, Will Pull The Most? Pints, that is.
Kelly walks in and says she hears Fred's in the market for a new bartender. She tells him she has loads of experience at Rodeo Joe's, with its bucking broncos, kareoke, and foam nights. All the things Fred hates in a pub. I wonder if Rodeo Joe's is as bad as Walkabout, officially the worst place I've ever eaten in the U.K.
"Can you pull a simple pint?" he asks.
"Pints, punters. I can pull anything." she replies.
Fred says he'll think about.
Later, a breathless Sean finds Fred in the Kabin and offers his c.v. and says he'd right at home in a local hostelry, "vis a vis The Rovers" and because of his alcoholic uncle, he knows how to handle drunks. He also offers a night of his pint pulling services for free. That's the magic word for Fred so he starts later that night.
I think the addition of Sean to the bar makes for a job promotion for Anthony Cotton. It means he'll get more screen time. After all, you can go weeks without seeing the factory floor at Underworld, but people always have to go into the Rover's.
Later in the Rovers, Kelly is livid to find Sean behind the bar. He runs in the back to find Shelley sitting on the stairs. They have a weird conversation about where staff uses the loo. She acts as though she knew he was starting work there and he tells her that her facelift makes her look like Reese Witherspoon, whom Sean would most like to be stuck in an elevator with. Her, and the gardener from 'Desperate Housewives' as he would be a good conversationalist. Right.
Dr. Tim comes into the Rovers and he and Sean have a chat. Tim clears the air about the guy with whom he got into the car. Turns out he was just a mate and Tim kisses all his mates. They later make a date to meet for coffee at Sean's place. Tim asks if that is a euphemism. Sean then asks Violet for the definition of euphemism. She whispers something in his ear and he informs Tim that, indeed, it is definitely a euphemism. But for what, I ask?
Sean - 2, Kelly - 0
Do You Have Any Cabs in Burberry?
Lloyd and Les are discussing the previous night's events, admiring how Claire took care of Maddog's girlfriend. A man enters the office and Eileen chirps, "Welcome to Chav Cabs. What kind of driver would you prefer? An injured one or an uninjured one?"
Neither, it turns out, as the man delivers Tracey's "prohibited steps" order to Steve, known over here as a restraining order.
Liz enters with a box carrying an injured sparrow and hears the news. Les says the system's biased against men. He blames "Germaine Green."
Liz then goes straight over the Barlows to attempt to facilitate an understanding between the interested parties. And to shriek at Tracey.
"Put a skirt on, luv," Tracey replies. "That's obscene." She also adds that the order applies to Liz and that she's calling 999.
"Try 666," Liz says. "It's more your style."
Later, Tracey goes into the pub and sees Steve drinking with Martin and Lloyd.
"Bunny boiler, three o'clock," says Lloyd.
She tells Steve he should leave, due to the restraining order. He does, as does just about everyone else in the pub.
"You can't keep a good woman down, eh?" Tracey says.
"You can if you hold her head under the water long enough," Liz ripostes.
Eileen notices how whenever Tracey enters the pub, there are fewer people around to drink with.
Tracey says she'll drink alone as she's her own best company. She then offers a toast, to the British justice system and proceeds to have her lonely little drink all by her lonesome.
Posted by John at 10:50 AM