Liz and Bev are walking down the street discussing Liz's Bob. Liz has decided all they do and everything about him is "nice." If that's not the kiss of relationship death, I don't know what is. Deirdre pokes her head out the door and Liz shoots her the dirty look.
Bev isn't listening much, as she's keeping an eye out for Charlie, whom she sees. She quickly scuttles past while he smirks to himself.
Meanwhile Kirk is walking about 20 dogs with Fiz when he sees Maria. He tells her if she has half of the kennel business, she can walk half the dogs. Maria, still ashamed of her humble and unglamourous kennel maid past, declines. She still thinks he should buy her half of the business but also thinks he lacks ambition. I dunno. Owning your own business is a fairly admirable quality and it was obviously successful enough for the Sutherlands to have enough to move to Cyprus. If someone handed me half of that, I'd be thrilled. Also, like Kirkeh, I like dogs.
Maria and Tyrone later discuss the situation with Kevin who advises Maria to work on the parent she's closest to.
In the Rovers, Violet and Ciaran are wondering when Betty will show up but as Ciaran puts it, "Cheerful Charlie" is on the warpath and Betty may be keeping a low profile. Turns out, Betty has been up half the night with the kitten Sean gave her. Unlike aged cats, kittens are a handful and Betty, being 117 years old, is a little worn out. I kid. I love Betty.
Later Sean agrees to take the kitten off her and find it a proper home. Betty tells Sean he's a right nice bloke who'll make some lass a great husband. Betty's gaydar switched off sometime during the Liberace period.
Charlie, meanwhile, is continuing his role as bar landlord by bossing Ciaran around about getting stock. Charlie, to the best of my knowledge, isn't even on the payroll. Why do they tolerate this? It's not like I go to Mrs. Shatnerian's job when she's off sick and start doing her job. Charlie then says to Violet in his no-sense-of-personal-space way, that if she enjoys her job, she should remember who her friends are. She asks him what that is supposed to mean.
"Whatever you want it to," he replies. He's talking about sex, right? Sex with Violet?
Over at the Weatherfield Arms, home of literary icon David Beckham in cracalature, Liz is still talking about Bob. Bev says she wishes Charlie had hit her last night so Shelley would finally see what kind of man he is. They both agree that Shelley would never believe her so Bev decides to find someone she will believe. Bev later goes to the cop shop.
In the back alley, Chesney has found Blanche's ride (complete with the giant "L" Learner's Permit sticker) where Deirdre is struggling to move Amy's buggy past it. Chesney helps her and asks if he can ride the scooter. Deidre says it isn't fit to drive as it doesn't turn left. Chesney later enlists the help of Nathan, who agrees to fix it for the price of a free supper from Wong's. Sophie comes by and Easy Rider takes his old lady for a spin. Les is almost run over by them as Ken spots them coming down the alley. He accuses Les of stealing Blanche's scooter for the kids to play on. He takes Les to task for being a bad influence and expresses disappointment in Sophie for hanging with the badass Battersby-Brown gang. Chesney explains what happened and Les, quite rightly, demands an apology to which Ken begrudgingly concedes. That'll teach him to be so self-righteous.
Back at the Rover's, Nathan warns Tyrone that if Maria does become successful in her quest to own a hair salon, she'll have no time for Tyrone. Meanwhile, a female police officer asks to speak with Charlie. She informs him of the allegations being made against him but, as he does, he tells her it's Bev who's nuts. Later, Bev sees him walking the constable back to her car, telling her to go find some real criminals. She giggles and they proceed to have sex in the back of her squad car. Okay, no. But it was clear the constable was swooning just a little bit.
Later the police station, Constable I Heart Charlie tells Bev she's heard about Bev's stealing Charlie's invoices and tells her she could have her arrested for burglary right there.
Later at the Rover's Les, Cilla, and Yana come in and Les orders "a pint and two sweet whites for two sweet ladies." Yana spies Ciaran and says if he plays his cards right, he could have her number. "And mine!" adds Cilla.
Charlie meanwhile is trying to itimidate Ciaran by telling him he should have stood up for Charlie when he was talking to the police constable. He says Shelley would have ended up a basket case if he ever went to jail. Ciaran says he should look in a mirror before pointing any fingers. I think Charlie looks in a mirror quite a bit, actually, when he's not smacking his lips and doing that coke-nose snort thing.
Maria's parents come into the pub and tell her that if she doesn't want her half of the kennels, they're going to Kirk. Maria cries. Fiz is delighted.
At The Clock, Liz and Bob are on a date when Ken and Deirdre come in. The men decide they should all sit together. The women aren't sure but Bob reminds Liz about that Christmas Day during the First World War when the Germans and British declared a truce and played football. Deirdre and Liz make up and Ken celebrates, ordering another bottle of wine by snapping his fingers at a waiter. I. hate. it. when. people. do. that.
Back at the Rovers, Charlie is pushing Ciaran's buttons about Bev. After a short discussion of recent events and a thorough airing of their views, Ciaran grabs Charlie and shoves him up against the bar.
Shelley sees them and, like Jacqueline,
Ciaran says he could kill him for what he's done to her, cutting her off from everyone who loves her. Ciaran calls him a big bully, playing games with grown women.
Shelley tells him he has it wrong, that Charlie has done everything for love. Ciaran retorts that it's a funny kind of love, making her scared to come out of her bedroom and so messed up that he makes her think she needs plastic surgery.
Ciaran tells Shelley now is her chance to break free. Shelley asks why would she do that.
"To save yer loife, yeh stewpid woman!" Ciaran's accent has thickened considerably at this point.
Shelley says her life is here, with Charlie. She kicks Ciaran out of the bar. Charlie smirks. Violet is horrified.
And very crowded pub just got an awesome show.