Thursday, April 06, 2006
The New Jan Brady
Stepford Shel comes home from the hospital sporting a new pair of sunglasses and a cap that makes her look like the lovechild of Jackie O. and Steven Spielberg. She does this weird bit about how good she will look once the bruising has gone down, ‘The new me!’ she proclaims.
Unfortunately, the old Jan Brady needs to somehow get upstairs to her room without anyone seeing her. She doesn’t want to leave the car even after Charlie makes sure the ‘coast’ is clear.
He ends up dragging her from the car to the indoors. Ciaren sees this and is more than convinced that Charlie is beating Shel and that the reason she went to the hospital is because she needed to be treated for Charlie induced injuries.
Once back up the stairs, Shel decides that she wants to stay in the bedroom for a couple of weeks and that she won’t go with Charlie to Scotland. Charlie has a fit and convinces her to go on the trip, but when she goes down the stairs, she runs into ‘people’ and goes fleeing back up the stairs.
Charlie goes up and forces her to come down the stairs and get into the car for their trip. It gets kind of weird and Jerry Springerish as she fights to go back in the house.
Note to Shel, you might really want to consider Scotland.
I’m just saying.
You Did What With My Missus?
One of Charlie’s clients comes to visit and says to Charlie that he received a phone call from some woman who pretended to be from a Customer Satisfaction survey.
He told Charlie that the woman suggested that Charlie had slept with his wife. Charlie refutes that and says that he didn’t lay a hand of Mr.’s wife.
Mr. Client says that if he had he’d have him arrested because his wife has been dead for 18 months.
Glacia laughs hardily at this.
‘What did the woman sound like?’ Charlie asks
‘Middle aged and drunk.’ Offers up Mr. Client.
I’d suggest who the culprit is, but quite frankly I’m baffled who that could be.
My God, if only I could take a stab at it! Maybe it was Carol.
Anyway, Charlie’s pissed, but decides to put it all on whole because he’s picking Shel upfrom the hospital after her plastic surgery and then they’re OFF to Scotland. Hurrah!
I Wrote a Poem
Danny and Leanne having naked tea
We get a whole scene of nekked Leanne and Danny sharing breakfast in bed. Leanne asks him if he loves Frankie. Danny says he does love her, more than any woman before.
‘So why you doing this, then?’ she asks. Danny responds with some weird analogy between skiing and humping your son’s girlfriend. I don’t get it.
Jack and Vera have convinced Maria to keep her share of the kennels and sell it for a nice profit.
Maria tells Kirkeh and Fizz who seem positively gobsmacked.
Meanwhile back at Chez Battersby, Cilla is loving Kirkeh’s new look…monied.
Don’t Be Koi
Scooter and Sarah are Weatherfield’s Two as they enjoy their new freedom. But at what cost?
Sarah pleaded guilty and Scooter got suspended from his job for using the skip.
Gayle is not loving it, but seems to be placated by Scooter when he explains his moral reasoning behind stealing the fish in the first place. ‘Evil triumphs when good men do nothing.’
Scooter’s starting to win me over.
Speaking of Scooters
Blanche has a new one thanks to Deidre. She has one of those people moving electronic scooters to match her Polish hip.
Of course what she needs now is the plastic flag waving from the back of the vehicle, a million bumper stickers, a wee stuffed animal for the front and a honky honk horn on the side.
Come on Kev! Pimp her ride!