Friday, November 18, 2005

Forgive Me Father...(update)

For I thought my 'real' daddy had other kids who were going to cut into my inheritance. But then I found out that his dutch girlfriend lost the baby - which means I'm the only fruit of his loin $$$$. I'm such a bitch - really I am.

For I thought that a construction paper badge with the words 'Community Watch Official' written on it in Pencil Crayon would make people take me more seriously and stop calling my 'Doris'.

For I helped cover up the fact that my daughter killed my soulmate by hiding the murder weapon in his casket - thereby ensuring that his final wish of wanting to be cremated and his ashes spread over a football field will never be realized.

For I confessed all this to you in some kind bad 'Bells of St Mary' knock off.

For I sang the theme to Bonanza with my 2 best geriatic mates.

For I've somehow convinced myself that Louis L'amore is somehow trashier than Hard Grindings.

For I apologized the the gaggle of life destroying harpies for the fact that I got drunk and said the words that I've been wanting to say for 30 years.

For I confessed to my daughter that I am actually sleeping her best friend's father - but I did it all for my family.

For I actually watched Katydid do her best canatonic daughter bit without pounding back a fifth of vodka.

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